Thread: Jokes

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Wife "So, you've bought another Land Rover, eh?"

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A guy is on death row. Just before his execution the warden asks the guy what does he want for his 'last meal'?
The guy says "strawberries"
"Strawberries? They're out of season" said the warden.
The guy says "That's OK I can wait."

Originally Posted by sashadidi

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Bwahahahaha. .
I hate to stay it, but this is so me.
Maybe that's why I'm single?

Originally Posted by rick130

Bwahahahaha. .
I hate to stay it, but this is so me.
Maybe that's why I'm single?

It's my 39th anniversary today, phoned SWMBO in Cloncurry to ask if she got the flowers I forgot to send?
She said "No, hope you enjoy the sex your not getting tonight!"
Gotta love marriage.
Jonesfam

An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him:

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said. "You Australian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied. "Of course."

The American blew a huge bubble. "We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia."

The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"

Sighing, the Australian replied. "Of course."

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said. "We don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them and transform them into jam and sell it to Australia."

The Australian then asked. "Do you have sex in the States?"

The American smiled and said. "Why of course we do."

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked. "And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?"

"We throw them away, of course."

Now it was the Australian’s turn to smile.
"We don’t. In Australia we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?"

Damn, guess what will come to mind when I watch those gum chewing cricketers.

See what I just did Ian?😲