Thread: Jokes

I bought a new Ford F 150 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck from an Arizona dealer. Go figure, it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.

I returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.
‘Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again’ came from the speakers.

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, ‘Beethoven', I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, ‘Beatles', I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'

Immediately the radio responded with, “Ladies and gentlemen, The President of the United States.”

Damn I love this truck...

Originally Posted by Toxic_Avenger

A man goes to the library and asks the librarian: “Do you have the book about small penises?”
“Ummm... *typing at the computer* It’s not in yet” says the librarian.
“Yes, That’s the one!”

Not in yet hey? And the sequel about long penises has already been written but is "Not in so far.".

Isn't the plural penii?

old classic

An Indian arrives in Adelaide as a new immigrant to the Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australian, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!" The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Lebanese." The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia." The person says, "I not Australian, I am Sudanese." The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful country Australia!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria. I am not Australian." He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Australian?" She says, "No, I am from New Zealand." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Australians?"
The lady from New Zealand checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Isn't the plural penii?

Yes it is, if you're speaking Latin, or you have more than one.

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

Yes it is, if you're speaking Latin, or you have more than one.

Not regularly, I know some that must have.

And the plural of platypus is?

More than one. Platypodes.