Thread: Jokes

Donald Trump and Obama somehow ended up in the same barber shop.
Each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it
would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his
chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying,

"No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been inside
a whorehouse all day."

The second barber turned to Trump and said, "How about you sir?"

Trump replied, "Go ahead--my wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door
in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door
in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

frisbeetarianism , I will subscribe to that

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
[...]
16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Still not a "religious" post - so don't go down that path in any follow ups....

Infant circumcision has been a feature of Catholic (in my day), as well as Jewish religions and makes them the most optimistic people in the history of the world - cutting off an inch before knowing how long its going to grow!

Frisbeetarianism - I like that.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.

Usain bolt your arse.