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Thread: Jokes

  1. 2nd January 2007, 08:43 PM #171
    Mud_Bogger6 Guest
    Top 10 Rejection lines given by woman (And what they really Mean

    1.)I Think of you as a brother(And mum says I shouldn't do that that with him anymore.)

    2.)I prefer older men( or at least ones who don't still live with their parents)

    3.)I need some time to sort my feelings out(I want to see if there is anyone better out there)

    4.)I'm not attracted to you in that way( you ugly B*****d)

    5.)My life is too compicatrd right now.(I don't want you spending the whole night becaue my boyfriend will be back soon.)

    6.)I need time to myself(How else am I gonna find a hunky guy?)

    7.)I'm Married(Also seperated but you don't need to know that)

    8.)It's not you, It's me(It's not me, It's you)

    9.)I'm Celibate(at least when your around)

    10.)Lets be friends.(I know your good with cars)
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  2. 2nd January 2007, 08:54 PM #172
    Mud_Bogger6 Guest
    Top 10 rejection lines given by men and what they really mean.

    1.)I think of you as a sister(your ugly)

    2.)I prefer older woman(your ugly)

    3.)I need some time to sort my feelings out(Your ugly)

    4.)I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way(your ugly)

    5.)My life is to complicated right now(your ugly)

    6.)I need some time to myself(your ugly)

    7.)I'm married(your ugly)

    8.)It's not you, it's me(your ugly)

    9.)i'm celibate(your ugly)

    10.)Lets be friends(your ugly)

    Definition of Friend: A person flawed in such a way as to rule them out for dating purpouses
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  3. 5th January 2007, 07:20 PM #173
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    Saddam

    I have some Saddam Hussein turtle neck shirts for sale.


























    They're a bit tight around the neck.
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  4. 5th January 2007, 07:23 PM #174
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    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

    She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

    As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

    When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

    The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

    "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"
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  5. 15th January 2007, 09:24 AM #175
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    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    coz he was dead

    why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

    it was tied to the first monkey


    why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?

    thought it was a game.


    why did the tree fall down?

    thought it was a monkey
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  6. 15th January 2007, 01:00 PM #176
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    Get off the drugs, Vandermorph !


    If you're not on drugs...

    get on some !
    It's not broken. It's "Carbon Neutral".


    gone

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  7. 15th January 2007, 01:26 PM #177
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    I think Kep Enderby said it in jest, hoping someone may pick him up....(yours): "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

    It's also been attributed to GWBush, who said it for real......

    I heard this one a few days ago:

    Why don't the English Cricket team eat omlettes?
    Because they can't beat an egg!!!


    GQ
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  8. 15th January 2007, 01:32 PM #178
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    Quote Originally Posted by VladTepes
    Get off the drugs, Vandermorph !


    If you're not on drugs...

    get on some !
    Awwwwww i thought those were good jokes! Maybe i need a sense of humour Were can i buy one?
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  9. 15th January 2007, 01:44 PM #179
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    Canned Laughter is available in a can, just watch any US tv show...VM... get off the computer and hoof it to Dubbo and fight some fires....
    given your gags are sooo good, the fires would die laughing.....

    GQ
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  10. 15th January 2007, 06:53 PM #180
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiggers
    Canned Laughter is available in a can, just watch any US tv show...VM... get off the computer and hoof it to Dubbo and fight some fires....
    given your gags are sooo good, the fires would die laughing.....

    GQ
    maybe i can email some jokes to the fire fighters?
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