Thread: Jokes

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a diaper-headed Muslim with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.

He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished, I got back into bed.

My wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
You'll never believe what I've just seen,? I said. That son of a bitch next door still has my shovel.?

Solar power is the future but it won't happen overnight.

Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. On his first night in the White House, the ghost of George Washington appears to him.
After recovering from his initial fright, Trump says to Washington's ghost "It's an honour to see you, President Washington. While you're here, can you give me any advice on how I may best serve the American people?
Washington raises a ghostly finger to Trump and says "Never tell a lie".
Trump frowns and says, "I'm not sure I can do that George, but thanks anyway for the advice".

On Trump's second night in the White House, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears to him. Less shocked than the first night, the Donald says "Good evening President Jefferson. Can you tell me how I can best serve the American people?"
Jefferson replies "Do not bully the people".
Trump purses his lips and says "I really don't think that's gonna work, but thanks for dropping by".

On his third night, Trump is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Kind of getting used to this by now, Trump greets the ghostly Lincoln and says "Hello President Lincoln. Can you tell me how I can best serve the American people?"
Lincoln nods thoughtfully for a few moments, then says



"Go see a play".

To be honest you could have left it at the first sentence.
It's not very funny, but its sure a joke!

Sent from my HTC One using AULRO mobile app

It got a Hah out of me. But then I thought....what if.

A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.

The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home,
which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor to travel with us who will teach the child all
the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.

"Our nanny/housekeeper is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied.

They ask, "What age and sex of child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as it fits in the cannon."

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

It got a Hah out of me. But then I thought....what if.

Don't believe in ghosts, then?

Originally Posted by Mick_Marsh

Don't believe in ghosts, then?

Ghosts no, Spectres yes.