Embarrassment

[banjo]

I'M so sorry guys this will be my last post . . .

I have been out the back balling its finaly & just hit me what Karen wants & needs...

Unfortunatly i can't offer Karen full normality ...


& i cant keep doing this to Karen she is to important..

Karen & the kids deserve to live happily & fully & i cant seem to get that right ....

I want to THANK use all for your serport , Advise , help & the mateship made...


It would be so good if i could just crawl into some dark hole & die ..Karen & the kids meen so much to me & i cant get it right thanks to my crappy ****ed up head . . .
All i want is my gorjess great wife to be happy & the kids to . . .


I THANK USE ALL SO MUCH........

[banjo]

Banj, I think I am having some computer problems sending EMails, it looks like I am receiving but not sending, I will send you a test message now and if you receive nothing let me know ( hmm, that is a bit of an oxymoron)!!!:confused::)

Yep got it Aus . . . . .

[DiscoMick]

Just keep doing positive things Banjo. You're doing well.
You can't control the future, or prevent the unexpected, but you can control how you cope with the present, so take control of the present and concentrate on that.
What Karen needs is for you to keep doing positive stuff. This is a great opportunity for you to rise above the past and head into a better future together.

[V8Ian]

Disappointing, I didn't have Banjo marked as a quitter, Karen deserves a bigger effort than that.

Now give yourself a good hard slap Jason, then get back to what you have been doing for the last two weeks. :mad:

[Fifth Columnist]

This thread's got a fan club.
You're not allowed to let us down :mad:

[banjo]

Yeah but if i push myself to go to this BBQ i will only make it worse.As they are all big drinkers & trust me once it starts to flow & i get a wiff i'm toast i neary collaps alcohole brings everything back no matter how hard i try to hide it....I don't meen me drinking i don't drink..

Plus i don.t realy want Karen driving to it of a night as she doesn't know the road or even how to get there & i know once she trys to get home she will get lost & i meen no disrespect in that & Karen will tell you the same...& Karens not that keen to go iether but Cody wants to go & she wont let him go with one of the others..


So how do i give Karen normality when i cant even do that for myself & unfortunatly probably never will thanks to agerophobia...........

No i'm not a quiter but i have never been so frightend in my life & i started to have a panic attack the other nite when Karen was telling me she doesn't know if she wants me or wants me to try & work at it....

[DiscoMick]

So why don't you drive them over there, drop them at the party, go off to Maccas for an hour and then come back and pick them up?

[Ausfree]

So why don't you drive them over there, drop them at the party, go off to Maccas for an hour and then come back and pick them up?
Sounds good to me!!!!;):)

[banjo]

So why don't you drive them over there, drop them at the party, go off to Maccas for an hour and then come back and pick them up?

Yeah i would love to but that is way out of my league at the moment ..& i would have to leave before lunch & then hope i don't panic & make things worse....

The worst part of all this is i know my limits & am only just starting to realy push past those limits ........

[Ausfree]

Well then, drop them off and then go home, then go back and pick them up!!!!!:)

[DiscoMick]

It's only a problem if you allow it to be a problem. You have the power - you're in charge, no-one else, only you.

[banjo]

Well then, drop them off and then go home, then go back and pick them up!!!!!:)

i cant even remember where killingworth isnt it out the back of barnsley somewhere , if so i will have to start to have some dry runs now just to get there..

[Narangga]

i cant even remember where killingworth isnt it out the back of barnsley somewhere , if so i will have to start to have some dry runs now just to get there..

That's better - be positive.

I think I have said it before - give Karen time and space. You want her to change or get better or whatever TOMORROW but it will take a while.

Be positive about yourself and let the rest take care of itself.

[Fluids]

Yeah i would love to but that is way out of my league at the moment ..& i would have to leave before lunch & then hope i don't panic & make things worse....

The worst part of all this is i know my limits & am only just starting to realy push past those limits ........


... so KEEP GOING ... it's a BBQ. Not a formal function. Dress casually, wear a baseball cap & sunnies if need be, but go!

You don't know them ... it's easier that way. You don't have to be the life of the party ... mingle a little, or not. But turn up!

... and don't say you can't. YOU CAN! If this is what you're telling us Karen needs, then mate, it's time to step up to the plate. No excuses. Step up, take a swing and give it 110% if this function is that important ... get Cody & Karen there, hang out with them, and get them home ... and if it all ends up being a 1/2 rsed pear shaped fiasco, at least you did it! The next time will be a little easier, and will go a little better ...

You've got to become someone Karen WANTS to be with. You can't convince her with words, you have to become THAT person. You have to lead out.

I'm pushing mate. You told us too, and at this point in the proceedings I reckon it's time to push and to give you a rocket !! :mad:

Get on with it !

Kev..

[Didge]

Fluids, that was good advice and well put. Jason, I'm 100% with Fluids on his advice. You're already on the way to being that man starting with your stay in the doc' waiting room, of which we are all so proud of you. You can do this, just go to the party and chill out. Who cares what other people think? They're probably not thinking anything anyway, so just go and enjoy your time. Talking of limits; everytime someone fails at something it's because they've pushed themselves past their limits. The harder you fall, the more experience you've gained and the better you will become. YOU CAN DO IT; we know you can and I believe in your heart, you know you can.

[DiscoMick]

Why do you care what other people at that party might think Banjo? Their opinions mean nothing to you. Ignore them.
The only ones at that party whose opinions really matter to you are Karen and your son.

[V8Ian]

Stop hanging around here mate and start the dry runs, Look at how much you have improved/achieved since starting this (biggest on AULRO) thread. Did you ever think you could have done half of it, a year ago? The defence rests M'Lord. :p

[banjo]

Yeah i know but i have to think of Karen & Cody if i was to go Cody would be worried ..But Karen would hate me for it as she wouldn't do anything but worry & stress that i was ok & Karen is the only person i can't hide it from..........when i have done things like this in the past mainly family crap Karen is so stressed & uptite she doesn't enjoy her self at all because she is always so worried that i am ok & not getting panicy as it is embarracing for her aswell to a degree..I used to go to Cody's soccer presintation days cause they where at the feild & Karen & i just sat by ourselves & then went & took Cody on the rides they used to put on, Vickie even came with us once .

Its time i grew some nuts for this woman she deserves so much in life ..that i could only wish to be able to do for her ......



I have sumed it up perfectly as to what i have done to Karen ..

I have ruined Karen completly & ****ed up two perfect kids to the point one has nervous attacks & is still struggling....
I have wasted 23 years of Karens life & ruined her so bad to the point everytime she does go out she just worries so much about me being at home on my own she ends up coming home early & doesn't enjoy herself at all anywhere....

Guys i'm not being negative i'm trying to be realistic . Karen is telling me not to push myself so hard cause the fall will be to big & i will hurt her even more .

I want so much more for Karen & the kids ......

[Fifth Columnist]

Hey Banjo
Crying in your beer dilutes it.

[V8Ian]

Yeah i know but i have to think of Karen & Cody if i was to go Cody would be worried ..But Karen would hate me for it as she wouldn't do anything but worry & stress that i was ok & Karen is the only person i can't hide it from..........when i have done things like this in the past mainly family crap Karen is so stressed & uptite she doesn't enjoy her self at all because she is always so worried that i am ok & not getting panicy as it is embarracing for her aswell to a degree..I used to go to Cody's soccer presintation days cause they where at the feild & Karen & i just sat by ourselves & then went & took Cody on the rides they used to put on, Vickie even came with us once .

Its time i grew some nuts for this woman she deserves so much in life ..that i could only wish to be able to do for her ......



I have sumed it up perfectly as to what i have done to Karen ..

I have ruined Karen completly & ****ed up two perfect kids to the point one has nervous attacks & is still struggling....
I have wasted 23 years of Karens life & ruined her so bad to the point everytime she does go out she just worries so much about me being at home on my own she ends up coming home early & doesn't enjoy herself at all anywhere....

Guys i'm not being negative i'm trying to be realistic . Karen is telling me not to push myself so hard cause the fall will be to big & i will hurt her even more .

I want so much more for Karen & the kids ......
Jason, go back and look at the phrases that I have highlighted in bold.........are they the actions of some one who has no feelings for you?
Now consider the red parts..........relisticly Karen is exhausted from carrying the whole family, dealing with your problems (and slackness), the kids testing the boundaries, hormonal changes, struggling on limited income etc., etc., etc.. Which one was the straw that broke the camel's back? Take any one or two away and she probabley would have coped. What's done is done, move on and fix it. In LR parlance, "Bugger, I wish I hadn't pushed it to breaking point; now I have to fix it.". You wouldn't walk away from a Series just because some one said it's too hard to change the springs, would you?
Karen's feeling mixed up and tired. Another bloke has caught her eye at a time when she is totally frazzed, he looks attractive, fault free rah rah rah. Again, in LR parlance, when your rolling round in six inches of sloppy mud on a cold wet night, trying to repair your Series so you can get your family home, a passing Rav 4 looks mighty attractive. Down the track, after the Landy's fixed, the sun's shining brightly, you've had a shower and the family are happy, which is the car you want, not the Tojo.
Some guy has turned Karen's head because he seems to be a Rav 4, she is surprise and confused by her feelings, and beating herself up over it. Keep plugging away Jason, you can do it.

[Narangga]

Guys i'm not being negative i'm trying to be realistic.



Oh yes you are!

Things have not been great but they are getting better. Karen is having a hard time at the moment and you are racking your brains on how you can help her and improve everything at home. That is being realistic.

Will it get better over night - NO.
Will it get better in a while - YES, because you are working hard at it.

The guys have offered some good advice abut the footy thing. However mine would be a bit different.

To show your love to Karen ask her what SHE would like you to do - and then both explain it to Cody together. No matter what Karen says or asks, show your love for her by doing it - even if it hurts like hell on the inside.

Only other thing I can say is keep up the good work.

[Narangga]

Karen's feeling mixed up and tired. Another bloke has caught her eye at a time when she is totally frazzed, he looks attractive, fault free rah rah rah. Again, in LR parlance, when your rolling round in six inches of sloppy mud on a cold wet night, trying to repair your Series so you can get your family home, a passing Rav 4 looks mighty attractive. Down the track, after the Landy's fixed, the sun's shining brightly, you've had a shower and the family are happy, which is the car you want, not the Tojo.
Some guy has turned Karen's head because he seems to be a Rav 4, she is surprise and confused by her feelings, and beating herself up over it. Keep plugging away Jason, you can do it.

Wasn't sure how to put it Jason but that's what I wanted to say. "Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" - been through it myself in one way or another.

Thanks Ian.

[banjo]

Well got up & got the kids ready for school Done some washing & hung it out . Kids left i put another load of washing on then loaded the car with the pamphlets ,Once done i left & left Karen in bed done the pamphlets then went down the road to pickup some scripts from the chemist i rang them so i didn't have to wait for them as all our scripts are there on file .Then went to aldi to get some bread came home put the last load of washing on the line , made a cuppa for me & Karen then went & got her up about 10.30 & i left about 8.30......Nothing left to do today so i mite go & get some mower fuel Then have some lunch as i haven't been eating to well only eating tea ,Then i mite mow the lawn or i mite do it while Karen is shopping tomorrow that way i will be busy & keep my crappy mind busy..

[banjo]

Bloody hips are sore as today so are the tops of me arms....






















See i told use that excersize isn't good for you .......;):p

[V8Ian]

Well got up & got the kids ready for school Done some washing & hung it out . Kids left i put another load of washing on then loaded the car with the pamphlets ,Once done i left & left Karen in bed done the pamphlets then went down the road to pickup some scripts from the chemist i rang them so i didn't have to wait for them as all our scripts are there on file .Then went to aldi to get some bread came home put the last load of washing on the line , made a cuppa for me & Karen then went & got her up about 10.30 & i left about 8.30......Nothing left to do today so i mite go & get some mower fuel Then have some lunch as i haven't been eating to well only eating tea ,Then i mite mow the lawn or i mite do it while Karen is shopping tomorrow that way i will be busy & keep my crappy mind busy..
You're doing well mate. :):)

[V8Ian]

You're doing well mate. :):)
Sook :p

[JohnF]

Well i haven't been back very long Karen fell asleep out the front verander so i took off & went & delivered the last of the papers on FOOT by myself ...
When i came back to get some more papers Karen was awake so she just came for a walk with me while i did the last few around the block...Just have to throw the pamphlets tomorrow morning . . .
That wont take long . . . .
I recon i'm gunna be sore soon though . . . .:( .

Done the oil in my car it was down a bit this time better check every couple of weeks i think....

We all need to be getting some exercise, not just sitting around at home. And walking is a good excercise.

[JohnF]

Bloody hips are sore as today so are the tops of me arms....

See i told use that excersize isn't good for you .......;):p

Exercise regularly and after a while you will not notice it.

[banjo]

OK guys this WILL be my last post for sure..

I have been chatting with Karen today & she is so scared that her love & efection wont come back for me at all & she feels as though she is useing me . .I say not as i want to help her....

The thing is she says if i was to go with them to this BBQ & i was acting all good she still couldn't because after 23 years its ingrained in her she says & i can understand what she is saying & the after efects it would have on us would be even worse her words & i do know this....

The pressure use put on me is good but it is starting to take some out of me & i know all of use meen well dont be offended.

But if i do push myself to far it will end it all for us ( me )...

Now i will try & win Karen back as much as i can...

I have ruined Karen over 23 years & wasted all this time for her & both the kids to the point that if we don't work it out i will never see any of them again..

Use have to understand something , If we go separet ways I can't live on my own cause i will panic & a few other problems Plus on my pension i couldn't aford to rent anywhere here & live or eat or pay any bills..
If i go back to my mothers place its the same but even worse & both of us know what will happen..
Karen will worry about me on my own or at mums for other reasons , The kids would allways be scared to stay with me as i mite come to depend on them & i realy don't want to **** them up anymore than i have already thats not what they think thats what we think..

But i wont be giving up at all . . .

They all meen so much to me & i will always fight for them till my last breath.. But in saying that i only want them all to be happy & i have no worries in doing this & loosing everything aslong as they are happy..If this does happen i wont have internet or my mobile as the three phones are in my name i would have to declare bankrupt again to pay them out . . .

Karen still thinks of the other guy sometimes she told me & that scares us both.. Karen doubts her feelings or love for me will come back & i cant hold a gun to her head & say that she has to..But i have told her i will still be trying to win her over & i will be staying till she is well what ever the outcome should be .. . . ..


I have come to except this if it does happen i'm hoping not but i have to think of this..

I will be telling Micayla today about Karens feelings as she is trying so hard to understand what is going on & keeps telling i dont understand what is going on or what its about she is real scared , But Cody being Cody is worried but still in his own little world carefree as long as he is running around somewhere with a ball..

So thats it up till now .

I will still be keeping up with what i am doing , I don't think Karen wants me to go shopping with her tomorrow i would like to so i could keep her away from GGrrrrrr........But i wouldn't do that to her..

Its like Karen has said with all i have been doing after 23 years she should be able to tell if she had feelings for me .....I said no i have ruined you & its like we are starting over again i have to earn your love & feelings & heart .But Karen says she doesn't know if she wants to start over or even try & open herself up to me again & that kills me ..BUT I WONT GIVE UP THEY ALL MEEN TO MUCH TO ME ........But i mite not have a choice Karen told me & its not going to work if its only me that wants it to....

There is nothing on this earth that would make or change my feelings or my love for Karen & this worries her she thinks she should be the same but everyone is differant..MY love for Karen is so deep & so strong it will never change & i couldn't handle it later on when she does find someone else & she will because she is such a beautiful woman on the inside & out with the biggest heart i have ever known.......

Sorry if this is all abit jibberish . . .
I will be canceling my subscription to the thread as its getting very hard for me to post now. . . That way it wont come up in my emails.

Just know that i'm doing everything i can to make Karen happy . . . . .

OH & NO I HAVEN'T RESINDE MYSELF TO THIS HAPPENING AT ALL

I WONT GIVE UP ..

& i'm not going to.

Don't ring me guys i wont answer if your lucky i mite text use back..

Take care everyone & drive safe if use are on the road....





THANKYOU to each & every one of use for the help surport & pushing.....& the mateship & friends we have made..

[V8Ian]

Where there's breath there's hope Banjo, you're still together at the moment. Every thing crossed for you both.

[bblaze]

Stay safe, Hope all ends up working out for you and Karen, be positive and if your head gets really bad seek some help.
cheers
blaze
ps
your journey this far has been amazing and inspiring and I am sure through your story others have been helped

[banjo]

Stay safe, Hope all ends up working out for you and Karen, be positive and if your head gets really bad seek some help.
cheers
blaze
ps
your journey this far has been amazing and inspiring and I am sure through your story others have been helped


I seriousely doubt that i have inspired anyone ..Unfortunately i have to live like this & it kills me to see what i have done to this family & to Karen the one person who realy matters . . . . . . . .


Karen is asleep on the lounge & i have nothing to do now that i have done everything done the house work just need to mow the lawn tomorrow to keep me busy..
I need to learn to not be so jelouse or posesive of Karen . Just cause she does something for herself doesn't meen she wont love me & i should of already known this as she always came home to me & i wont loose her because she is doing stuff for herself...& i do know that just because someone flirts with her doesn't meen she will want them over me..
This only happend because i ran Karen to the ground physicly , emotionaly & mentaly. . . . . & the kids have had a small part in it aswell , I told Micayla about it all & now she understands & i think it has hit her big time cause i explained what part they had in it with not helping out at all & just expecting mum to do everything....

[banjo]

Doing tea now...

[banjo]

Well i'm very frightend now Karen has said she is worried about running into him tomorrow & said she could end up trying to fight the erge to go there again . . .. . . .

[banjo]

I think the worst part of this for me is Karen has never ever made me panic ...But i'm starting to have panic attacks in the fright of it all ..

I am geting numb in the chest heart is in my throat & so far i have been able to stop the shack's & erge to lock myself in the bathroom but its getting hard to do it......

[Narangga]

You know it is fear mate.

However love overcomes fear and you need to keep on loving Karen. Remember she is not well at the moment and so needs you to stay calm and be there when she needs you.

[banjo]

I keep going out side for a smoke when i start to see some shakes . . . .



& to top it off Micayla has started smoking,, Now she is 16 & i am not to worried as i am a smoker & i started alot earlier than she has . . .
But Karen hates the idea of it . but i think it will pass with Micayla just a fad going through stage . . . . . . .

[banjo]

You know it is fear mate.

However love overcomes fear and you need to keep on loving Karen. Remember she is not well at the moment and so needs you to stay calm and be there when she needs you.


I'm trying ..Makes it very hard to hear Karen say that she doubts anything will come back for me she tells me she doesn't have feelings for me or that she doesn't love me anymore ..& she has read everything use have all posted about if i show her love & make the efort & she just tells me that after the big effort i have been doing & am doing there is still know feeling at all for me even after 23 years.....

[banjo]

glad someone spoke to me i was starting to think i was talking to myself.....

[Narangga]

I'm trying ..Makes it very hard to hear Karen say that she doubts anything will come back for me she tells me she doesn't have feelings for me or that she doesn't love me anymore ..& she has read everything use have all posted about if i show her love & make the efort & she just tells me that after the big effort i have been doing & am doing there is still know feeling at all for me even after 23 years.....

Karen is not feeling the best at the moment and so that makes it hard for all of you. However when you are feeling down and it all seems to hard remember:

The night is always the darkest and the coldest just before the dawn of the new day.

[banjo]

Karen & i or i was chating to Karen & in the last 2 & a half weeks of me doing everything i have been,, I have lost a few of my OCD tendancies :D .

I also told Karen i will leave it up to her if she wants me to go shopping with her i will or if she doesn't i will mow the lawn.. she is still worried of me going as she goes to all 3 super markets down here in Cardiff on our big pay week . . .
But i'm not going to push the subject i told her that & said just let me know in the morning what ever she wants . . . .

[Narangga]

Karen & i or i was chating to Karen & in the last 2 & a half weeks of me doing everything i have been,, I have lost a few of my OCD tendancies :D .

I also told Karen i will leave it up to her if she wants me to go shopping with her i will or if she doesn't i will mow the lawn.. she is still worried of me going as she goes to all 3 super markets down here in Cardiff on our big pay week . . .
But i'm not going to push the subject i told her that & said just let me know in the morning what ever she wants . . . .

Onya! ;)

[banjo]

Ok here use are i'll give a laugh these 3 things of my OCD i have forgot about..

1 i now don't wash my hands every time i have something to eat & i meen everytime . . Not now i just eat . . :D

2 remember i said awhile back i have had to sleep with a bucket next to the bed in case of feeling sick as i have never been able to make the dunny WELL its gone stashed up in a corner no where near me ..:D

3 i would never use the dunny unless it had just been cleaned , dont ask i don't know why .. Well not any more i just go ...:mad:

4 Happy to be near the kids more always worried they could of brought some bug home from school , Doesn't seem to bother me now ..:D

I haven't even thought of these in the last 2 & a half weeks....
There maybe more i just can't think of them yet . . . . .:eek:

[Narangga]

Ok here use are i'll give a laugh these 3 things of my OCD i have forgot about..

1 i now don't wash my hands every time i have something to eat & i meen everytime . . Not now i just eat . . :D

2 remember i said awhile back i have had to sleep with a bucket next to the bed in case of feeling sick as i have never been able to make the dunny WELL its gone stashed up in a corner no where near me ..:D

3 i would never use the dunny unless it had just been cleaned , dont ask i don't know why .. Well not any more i just go ...:mad:

4 Happy to be near the kids more always worried they could of brought some bug home from school , Doesn't seem to bother me now ..:D

I haven't even thought of these in the last 2 & a half weeks....
There maybe more i just can't think of them yet . . . . .:eek:

No laughing mate - just happy that you're happy and things are improving for you. :D :D :D

[banjo]

No laughing mate - just happy that you're happy and things are improving for you. :D :D :D

I just wish the most important person to me could improve .That would make me happy.It realy does kill me to see Karen like this . . Down to my level as such . . . .

[banjo]

Every one must be in the pub tonight....

[bblaze]

dont know mate, but dont dare think you dont inspire people. I like a lot of others have seen you improve, the pain it has caused, the huge effort you make.
My wife has just spent a couple of years on happy pills for stress, at times I have thought my marrage was over (30 years), its been tough. Things are pretty good now. Some of it has been reading your posts and and then kicking my self in the arse because I have had no problems compared to you and karen
cheers
blaze

[Narangga]

I just wish the most important person to me could improve .That would make me happy.It realy does kill me to see Karen like this . . Down to my level as such . . . .

That new dawn is not far away.


Every one must be in the pub tonight....

Except us ;)

[banjo]

dont know mate, but dont dare think you dont inspire people. I like a lot of others have seen you improve, the pain it has caused, the huge effort you make.
My wife has just spent a couple of years on happy pills for stress, at times I have thought my marrage was over (30 years), its been tough. Things are pretty good now. Some of it has been reading your posts and and then kicking my self in the arse because I have had no problems compared to you and karen
cheers
blaze

I'm sorry to hear that stress is just as debilytating as agerophobia sometimes & in so many ways . .

[V8Ian]

Banjo, it took 23 years to grind Karen down, so it won't reverse overnight. Help Karen by supporting her as she has done for you. Show her the patience and tolerance she needs and deserves, specially while she is sick. Don't under estimate how ill the poor girl is.

[banjo]

Well i have ****ed up again , i got up this morning & Karens fone was on the table so i turned it on to see if she needed it charged.& thought i would empty out all her messagers as usualy Karen doesn't untill she cant recieve any more & i came across a message to Vickie saying that the doc wanted to put her in hospital .Then she was saying that we will probably split up as she can't keep doing this :( .& Vickie says back to one of them arh well you can't try for to long BUT she did say don't do anything rash...
Went to wake karen & i told her what i did & that she could of told me what the doc wanted ..So now she thinks i'm spying on her but i not was just going to empty it out for her & charge it nothing more ,I feel bad that she couldn't tell me that...:(:(:(....I have been saying to Karen why don't you go over to Vickies for a night or so ,so you mite be able to clear your head abit..But crap now i don't know. not sure what Vickie mite tell her to do or something instead of just surporting her...:(:(:(...

I just seem to keep ****ing up on Karen & i realy don't meen to or want to . I want to help Karen & i want to work through all this with her for us .But i doubt Karen wants to anymore..Said she wanted to stay in bed a bit longer so i left her there.....:confused::confused::confused:

[DiscoMick]

You're doing well Banjo, just keep going and being positive.
Naturally, after 23 years it takes time for Karen and the kids to accept that you are changing, that's normal. And she's tired.
This is your chance to give something back and change the situation for the better.
Remember NONE of the bad things you fear HAVE to come true - they're merely future possibilities. Don't speak about them as if they're true, because they're not true.
What's true is NOW so just keep being positive, don't push anyone else or yourself too rapidly, just take one step at a time and let time heal.
You're not alone, as many people are sending positive thoughts your way. That's reality.

[V8Ian]

I can't improve on Mick's advice, but I'll add NEVER GO INTO A WOMAN'S HANDBAG OR PHONE! :o

[Ausfree]

I can't improve on Mick's advice, but I'll add NEVER GO INTO A WOMAN'S HANDBAG OR PHONE! :o I'll second that Ian!!!!!:)

[banjo]

Karen is still asureing me that her feelings for me wont come back . . . . .


Well off to get some fuel in the landy & get the pamphlets...

[banjo]

Ok guys i just got home ..Went got fuel & pamphlets ..Then thought i would ring Karen as i think i got cort with a redlight camera .But i wanted to goto the paper shop to see if the new internatioal was in & met Karen at the post office she had been to the tattoo shop to get her nipple rings changed & was good cause he wasn't there but when we crossed the road there was someone standing out the front of the tattoo shop & i said which one is that & she said yeah thats him but we went to the papershop But i could see in Karens face she wanted to go see him so i asked when came out of the papershop if she wanted to go there & introduce me to him. well she pick ed up & says yeah so ok off we go & she showed me the tattoo she wants to get next i'm not real fussed but its what she wants . So i says well what colours will you use she said a few ...So i said go get the bloke & see what he says well she nearly jumped out of her skin with excitement but he was busy usualy she just walks in there but i think it was because i was there....Anyway now she says she has been kiding herself that the feelings wheren't that strong but now she say they are real strong for him...

She now says she rezents me bordering on hate, & that i should be ****edoff & kranky for her feeling this way & not want to surport her instead throught it....

Guys i'm in seriouse serious trouble i can not live with out Karen or the kids & i can not see the kids if we do go aways because Karen & i know what i will be like panicing & well theres some other stuff to why i cant see them at mums & hey it will take me so long to be able to come back down here to see them & we both agree that i get to suicidal with depression.. **** i will just have enough trouble to get to mums she lives at the back of maitland at louth park & i haven't been there since they have changed all the roads & highway up there...

Karen said she will just not be going back there & if she sees him she will just walk the other way but he will want to talk to Karen as he is happy to have the friendship.......


So there you have it she feels realy strongly towards this guy & i keep telling her that its because she was getting her tattoos while we where at a low & i made it worse by being even lower & draging her to her lowest ever point .She has been getting the tattoos over about a 6 week pireod when we where starting to goto loga heads with Micayla & then i made it worse by being so low & down which brought Karen to her lowest ever point & the guy was being nice to her while she was so down that she started to feel for him & then i got worse depression & even lower while she was seeing him & flirting together while getting her tattoos i recon thats why it has happend...

She tells me she doubts that she will ever feel for me again even when she is picked up but i think 23 years history would help & i have promised to never get that low again & we both know i will have a bad day & i will be doing everything i can to keep it a bad day only..Karen says she doesn't know if she wants to be there for me & prop me up anymore which i understand & i don't need it now & i will do all i can to make sure i don't get jelouse or posesive towards her & i want her to have her days out & not worry about me or what i would be like when she gets home & i do meen that & i will be keeping to that & i promis not to let her down again..Only the odd bad day..

I need help i am so frightend the only other option i though of was if i get Karen to admit me to a mental horsepital .....

I love Karen so much its not funny & the kids as well..

But i think i am going to loose them all when we where talking before we left i colapst & cowerd to the fridge with the thought of loosing them when Karen told me she doubts she will ever feel for me again even after 23 years & even when she is better....

WHAT DO I DO I AM SO FRIGHTEND ....

[banjo]

I think Karen needs someone else to talk to other than me I even said why not go talk to the tattooist as he wants to be Karens friend & he even said to Karen use guys have so much history together plus you told him of your feelings ..So i offered ....

We don't have anyone else besides each other...

[banjo]

Karen is still doing the shopping now....

[banjo]

I am very very worried for Karens health & wellbeing.....

[banjo]

Apparently i am being real pushy towards Karen but i don't meen to or intend to..So i told her if she feels that just say pushy & i will go away...

just want to talk to her & try & help her as much as posable..

[banjo]

Well Karen Came home from shopping & now i think its even worse....
I am trying to give her some space but its hard as i want to help her as much as i can...

They have just left to goto footy training & i was thinking i mite drive out there ???????????????

[banjo]

Anyone should i drive out there ??????????

[banjo]

Anyone

[banjo]

Anyone :confused::confused::confused:

[banjo]

well bugga the lot of yas i'm going to get tea ready & then i'm going for a drive....

[banjo]

see yas just getting ready to leave...:D

[V8Ian]

Banjo, FFS, stop wasting time and effort worrying about maybes, how many times have we told you this????

Fact 1: Karen is still with you.
Fact 2: The tatooist is not interested.

So I can't see that going anywhere.

Don't force Karen into any thing, or corner her in any way, including a hospital. Give the girl some space while caring and respecting her, and keep up the magnificent effort of the past few weeks.

STOP PANICING!

Tell karen she can phone me if she wants, I'll not put any pressure on her, just listen if that's what she wants and/or needs. Alternatively she can text me asking me to call her back.

[Ausfree]

Banjo, you can drive out here anytime you want, I will be home tomorrow PPLLEEAASSEE ring BEFORE you come out, as I will not be home in the morning ( I am cutting some firewood) but if you ring I will cancel that to talk to you, firewood is of NO IMPORTANCE MATE.!! Also Mrs Aus said she would only be too happy to talk to Karen. Mate, we are trying to help you. Believe me Mrs Aus is very good at talking with other females.!!!:):)

[JohnF]

I keep going out side for a smoke when i start to see some shakes . . . .

& to top it off Micayla has started smoking,, Now she is 16 & i am not to worried as i am a smoker & i started alot earlier than she has . . .
But Karen hates the idea of it . but i think it will pass with Micayla just a fad going through stage . . . . . . .

Tell Micayla that I started to smoke when I was 21 because a girl I liked smoked. But after 3 months I started to really enjoy it, so I decide3d I had to quit straitaway, or be an addict for the rest of my life spending a fortune on smokes so I quit.

One bank manager, who had smoked for 40 years, worked out if he had invested the money he had spent on cigarettes at bank interest, he could have bought a house with that money.

So tell Micayla that she should think of all the things she could do with all the money she spends on cigarettes.

[Narangga]

Banjo, FFS, stop wasting time and effort worrying about maybes, how many times have we told you this????

Fact 1: Karen is still with you.
Fact 2: The tatooist is not interested.

So I can't see that going anywhere.

Don't force Karen into any thing, or corner her in any way, including a hospital. Give the girl some space while caring and respecting her, and keep up the magnificent effort of the past few weeks.

STOP PANICING!

Tell karen she can phone me if she wants, I'll not put any pressure on her, just listen if that's what she wants and/or needs. Alternatively she can text me asking me to call her back.

Well said. :BigThumb:

[banjo]

OK guys i hope i get this right ..
Karen & i have been talking & i promis to not let her down a bad day is a bad day not a week or month or months . . . . & i am still keeping up with what i have done in the last 3 weeks. Karen says that its to much its not what she ment she just wants help if she forgets something while out i should say i will go get it or grab your bag i will run you down there & come with you things like that .but also doing stuff instaed of sitting on my ass .. . .

But i am enjoying it lots i even went to training tonight ... But i will slow down soon i have some things i want to do for myself but i will slow down for Karen . . . .

Karen says that we have been hear to many times over our 23 years so why would i trust you this time only to have you do it again , & maybe i don't want to put myself in that position again , I have nothing left to give she says & if it was to happen she doesn't think she would pull herself out of it & then who would look after the kids... All this because i have been jelous & posesive....Karen is so frightend of this happening again & i completly understand why. . . .

About me being posesive & jelouse this is ...I keep telling Karen i would like her to trust me because for the first time in 23 years I HAVE HELP not professional but just as good....& IT HAS BEEN EXPLAIND TO ME IN TURMS I CAN UNDERSTAND by use all.......Like use saying but if she talks to another bloke at the gym does she go home with him or come home to you . .. ..


I think i have done this to Karen because not delibratly or intensionaly because she is the only person on this earth to love me , Help me ,befriend me, surport me, & its always only been Karen till i spilt me guts on here....


So yes i promis to not let her down & i realy want her to have her days out on her own & i can do some stuff on those days to help out ,Like geting the pamphlets ,or picking up my smokes instead of messaging her to ask can you get these on the way home .. .WHAT AM I. DICKHEAD . .
& i recon if i dont do something use will all let me know . . .
Karen doesn't expect me to goto the real big shopping centers or bigish fuctions but to help out aroud here not home but around down the road & pamphlets in my limits where she wont have to do everything. . .

[banjo]

I now understand how this has happend to Karen with the last 3 weeks of me doing stuff & i haven't even scratched the top compaired to what Karen does plus she has me to contend with on top of all the running around I haven't half of what Karen does & i been out every day & it feels like all day . . . . . :o:o:o ..


Me hips are getting a bit better now . . . :eek: . .

[V8Ian]

OK guys i hope i get this right ..
Karen & i have been talking & i promis to not let her down a bad day is a bad day not a week or month or months . . . . & i am still keeping up with what i have done in the last 3 weeks. Karen says that its to much its not what she ment she just wants help if she forgets something while out i should say i will go get it or grab your bag i will run you down there & come with you things like that .but also doing stuff instaed of sitting on my ass .. . .

But i am enjoying it lots i even went to training tonight ... But i will slow down soon i have some things i want to do for myself but i will slow down for Karen . . . .

Karen says that we have been hear to many times over our 23 years so why would i trust you this time only to have you do it again , & maybe i don't want to put myself in that position again , I have nothing left to give she says & if it was to happen she doesn't think she would pull herself out of it & then who would look after the kids... All this because i have been jelous & posesive....Karen is so frightend of this happening again & i completly understand why. . . .

About me being posesive & jelouse this is ...I keep telling Karen i would like her to trust me because for the first time in 23 years I HAVE HELP not professional but just as good....& IT HAS BEEN EXPLAIND TO ME IN TURMS I CAN UNDERSTAND by use all.......Like use saying but if she talks to another bloke at the gym does she go home with him or come home to you . .. ..


I think i have done this to Karen because not delibratly or intensionaly because she is the only person on this earth to love me , Help me ,befriend me, surport me, & its always only been Karen till i spilt me guts on here....


So yes i promis to not let her down & i realy want her to have her days out on her own & i can do some stuff on those days to help out ,Like geting the pamphlets ,or picking up my smokes instead of messaging her to ask can you get these on the way home .. .WHAT AM I. DICKHEAD . .
& i recon if i dont do something use will all let me know . . .


Karen doesn't expect me to goto the real big shopping centers or bigish fuctions but to help out aroud here not home but around down the road & pamphlets in my limits where she wont have to do everything. . .

So do we Jason, in a very blokey way, :p that's why we're here.

Keep striving to improve and get better or completely well, how good would it be to get a job or go on a holiday, one day? It might be a fair way off but it's not beyond the realm of possibillity.

[The ho har's]

Jason keep striving forward..you are doing a fantstic job...you have friends here for you and Karen to talk to at anytime;)

Mrs hh:angel:

[Narangga]

Jason a couple of times I have said to give Karen some 'space'.

You mentioned your OCD so maybe you need to give her 'double space' as her idea of 'space' and your idea of 'space' may not quite be the same at the moment.

Just a suggestion.

[banjo]

Jason a couple of times I have said to give Karen some 'space'.

You mentioned your OCD so maybe you need to give her 'double space' as her idea of 'space' and your idea of 'space' may not quite be the same at the moment.

Just a suggestion.


I think you just hit the nail fair on the head . . . ;)

[bblaze]

your've com a long way in the past fortnight. Keep a clear head
cheers
blaze

[drifter]

Mate

You're going for a drive in a car

and ONE kid is on and on with "are we there yet?" "are we there yet?"

Drives ya nuts, doesn't it?

Karen is possibly feeling much the same. As others have said - space, mate.

She knows you love her. She knows everything you are doing. Let her have some time and space to sort it out.

She can't answer you right now - or in half an hour. She needs to work it all through. Women do that - in a nice way.

Don't stop being helpful - but not too helpful.

Now - another matter...

Back in the day when you had a job and all, did you ever hide a bit of cash away for a surprise present?

I bet it was well hidden, wasn't it?

In your special place.

Womens handbags, phones, bathroom cupboards... they are all their special places. We don't go there. It's not any of our business.

Everyone needs a 'bottom drawer' where they keep 'stuff'. A special place.

Don't break the sanctity of such a place by peeking - even if you thought you were helping. It's her place.

Cheers mate. Keep extending your boundaries - but not too far too fast. Pace yourself and let your family keep up with you.

[Ausfree]

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU BANJO, ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY ON THIS EARTH IS STARTING!!!!so lets all enjoy it as you won't get a second go. I'll be chopping some wood this morning that is my achievement for the day, what are you going to achieve today Banjo????:) Also I agree with what has been said about "personal space", your wallet and your phone is your personal space and a ladies personal space is her handbag and her phone, it is sacrosanct!!!:)
Anyrate Banjo greet this day with a smile and think positive!!!:D

[Fifth Columnist]

Anyrate Banjo greet this day with a smile and think positive!!!:D
AGREE!

[DiscoMick]

You'e doing well Banjo, just keep being positive.
No point asking Karen about her future feelings - she's not a fortune teller. Just focus on making the present better and the future will take care of itself.
Karen said she wants to stay with you. The guy is avoiding her. She's with you, not him, so you're the man. Focus on that.
You have the power to shape your present and that will make your future. No-one else has that power, only you. You are in control of you.

[banjo]

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU BANJO, ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY ON THIS EARTH IS STARTING!!!!so lets all enjoy it as you won't get a second go. I'll be chopping some wood this morning that is my achievement for the day, what are you going to achieve today Banjo????:) Also I agree with what has been said about "personal space", your wallet and your phone is your personal space and a ladies personal space is her handbag and her phone, it is sacrosanct!!!:)
Anyrate Banjo greet this day with a smile and think positive!!!:D


Actualy nothing planed Karen is still in bed & i will get her up later. Trying to do something Karen is interested in instead of just what i want to do ..Karen likes to walk so i asked her if she would like to go for a walk today Just around the block which is huge for me & i mite even get the next block in as well .The block we live in is real big So we mite do that later if she likes .We will go upto the lights & all the way down to the RSL & back home thats a big walk for me but if i go alright i mite do the next one up behind the workers club aswell.....I don't want to just drive around as i don't like to waste the fuel but i said to Karen last night if she wants i will take a drive so she can have the house to her self..Doubt i could go to Aus's place on my own & if i did it would only be G'day how you going & then i would have to leave ...& i feel bad about that .....Dunnings have a 3mx3m garden shed for $499 which is cheap & i thought of getting one so i would have somewhere to go just to leave Karen alone , But then i need to put a slab down & that would break the bank at the moment.....I could put it on the slab up the back i spose but i need to park the car there when it rains as the camber of the road makes the roof hold water on those roof ribs & one of them is leaking in to the car somewhere but is i park on the crook slab atleast the roof consol doesn't fill with water. . .

[banjo]

Hey i wakeup smiling every day except while Karen isn't well......
Its so hard to see her like this she is always so happy smiling & laughing & now i dress her every day & night ...........

I miss Karen so much . . . . . . . . ...... .... . . ... .. .... ...

[JohnF]

glad someone spoke to me i was starting to think i was talking to myself.....

the time to worry is when you start to answer yourself.

[V8Ian]

Actualy nothing planed Karen is still in bed & i will get her up later. Trying to do something Karen is interested in instead of just what i want to do ..Karen likes to walk so i asked her if she would like to go for a walk today Just around the block which is huge for me & i mite even get the next block in as well .The block we live in is real big So we mite do that later if she likes .We will go upto the lights & all the way down to the RSL & back home thats a big walk for me but if i go alright i mite do the next one up behind the workers club aswell.....I don't want to just drive around as i don't like to waste the fuel but i said to Karen last night if she wants i will take a drive so she can have the house to her self..Doubt i could go to Aus's place on my own & if i did it would only be G'day how you going & then i would have to leave ...& i feel bad about that .....Dunnings have a 3mx3m garden shed for $499 which is cheap & i thought of getting one so i would have somewhere to go just to leave Karen alone , But then i need to put a slab down & that would break the bank at the moment.....I could put it on the slab up the back i spose but i need to park the car there when it rains as the camber of the road makes the roof hold water on those roof ribs & one of them is leaking in to the car somewhere but is i park on the crook slab atleast the roof consol doesn't fill with water. . .
Just do it, another small step on a long journey. Jim would be thrilled, I'm sure.

[Ausfree]

Just do it, another small step on a long journey. Jim would be thrilled, I'm sure.
Ian, if Jason knocked on my front door, he would get the best welcome he has ever had, it would be a big :MileStone: to you and me a ten minute drive is nothing, but I do understand to Jason its like crossing the Pacific Ocean!!!:):)

[banjo]

hi everyone its karen i'm just letting you all know that jas has gone to his mums for a little bit give us some space he has his prepaid internet and i recharged it so he will be on sometime

[V8Ian]

Thanks Karen, I hope everything works out happily, you and Jason have made quite a few friends and supporters on this thread. We'll all offer any help we can give, just call any one of us. Between all of us we can move mountains. :)

[banjo]

thank you

[Grockle]

Hi Karen,
just to say I'm thinking of you both from this side of the pond

[Ausfree]

Thank for the update Karen, Mrs Aus and I wish you and Jason good luck, and we hope this can be sorted out, our home is open to the both of you any time you wish, you know that. I will now go into the background as I don't want to interfere in a personal situation that only you and Jason can sort out!!:(

[banjo]

Hey everyone yes i made it up here just sorta settled but very scared ..So frightend Karen wont want me or let me back home . . . .

But Karen needs her space so i am doing this for her to help her...

got lost getting here , so much has changed around here..
My little materess thingy is so uncomfortable & its so cold in the barn shed thing...

[Grockle]

you Made it ok then,well done Jas

[banjo]

This is the first time i have spent a night away from Karen & the kids in 23 years......

[banjo]

are you on jason the kids just want to say hello

[banjo]

Got the radio on now so its not so quiet , theres no kids or tv going its so strange its feels so wrong...Lots to look at round here so mite go for a drive tomorrow i dont have to vote for medical reasons..

[banjo]

hay dad, its micayla, what are you doing ? how are you ? you know windfield blue smokes are yuk i had onee and it was different. haha xo

[banjo]

hay dad, its micayla, what are you doing ? how are you ? you know windfield blue smokes are yuk i had onee and it was different. haha xo


Hey fred not doing much its bloody cold in the shed & so quiet .I am scared & frightend ..make sure you pair look after mum..

[banjo]

we looking after mum :) and im sure you will be fine, mum said she was messaging you. so weird when i got home this arvo though to. hard to believe actually. youve never been gone from home until now, cody ses hi too . xo

[banjo]

we looking after mum :) and im sure you will be fine, mum said she was messaging you. so weird when i got home this arvo though to. hard to believe actually. youve never been gone from home until now. xo

I know mate i know yes i will be fine ...I miss use being around its very quiet . . . . .

[V8Ian]

Karen, this is getting a bit confusing, can you sign in with your name please. :D:D:D

[banjo]

yes, this is weird lol, im surprised you got all the waay up their too :) miss you heaps xo

[banjo]

we looking after mum :) and im sure you will be fine, mum said she was messaging you. so weird when i got home this arvo though to. hard to believe actually. youve never been gone from home until now, cody ses hi too . xo


yeah i been messaging mum to i am very worried about her . . . . .

& i miss use all already . . ;)..

Dont stay up late cause mum is very tired & i meen it not late...

[banjo]

okay, yes we will go to be early. noone is online anyways lol xo

[banjo]

Karen, this is getting a bit confusing, can you sign in with your name please. :D:D:D

Yeah its just the kids . Having trouble signing in on Karens..

[banjo]

Fred sign in on mums or yours its cutting mine out to..

[banjo]

we already tryed it wont work, and i dont know what mine is, sorry x

[banjo]

So cold will have to go have shower soon to warm up...

[banjo]

I'm hopping that me being here will make the heart grow fonder in my absence..

[banjo]

So cold will have to go have shower soon to warm up...

we talk to you later then, gooodnight dad. :) sweet dreams xo

[banjo]

we talk to you later then, gooodnight dad. :) sweet dreams xo

Ok you pair makesure use behave & look after mum bed early...

Cody have a good game tomorrow & good luck if use win use are in the grand final . . .

[banjo]

Ok you pair makesure use behave & look after mum bed early...

Cody have a good game tomorrow & good luck if use win use are in the grand final . . .


he sed thanks, and will do. goodnight talk later :) x

[banjo]

OK nite you pair . . .

[banjo]

Hey where did everyone go.....

[V8Ian]

Hey where did everyone go.....
We were giving you some space mate. Here now, want to come to the pub? :)

[banjo]

I mite going for a shower now to see if i can warm up & see if i can eat something...

[V8Ian]

OK mate.

[banjo]

Karen eels bad now because Micayla put her to bed tonight...

I am so worried about Karen at home with the kids she has to goto stockton tomorrow & i am so worried ......

[banjo]

OK guys i'm off to bed i doubt i will get much sleep though..

I miss them all so much ....

[HBWC]

night banjo im no good at this sensitive stuff i i'll just say good luck and keap pushing forwards 1 step at a time (crawl before you walk)

[banjo]

Well ad a real bad night sleep froze all night ..Spoke to fred this morning & Karen & i couldn't hold it together ..I miss them all so much & i seriously doubt Karen will ever trust me or love me again & i miss them all so much its killing me , I should be there to look after Karen .& i would never let her down to this point again she meens to much to me . a bad day is just that a bad day. . .
I am worried when she goes to the doctors on monday afternoon he will try & put her in hospital cause i'm not there to help her....

I am so frightend & i miss the kids around me so bad waking up & there not there . . . .I LOVE THEM ALL & MISS THEM SO MUCH...

DID i mention it was so freezing last night & today isn't much better....

Cant eat to scared to eat ..

[V8Ian]

Pull yourself together Jason, you need your head together for when Karen needs you to help. If she goes into hospital you'll have to go back to look after the kids. At the moment it's about Karen, not you, so stop thinking about how bad it is and think about how you can make life better for her. Its a big ask, but not beyond your capablities. If you need back-up you can call/text any of us. We're Aussies, so we stand by our mates.

[banjo]

Well guys i'm back home to help & karen feels real bad as she only wants me here cause she needs help..
Haven't been home to long they not here gone to footy wasn't happy that karen took him & wouldn't let me organise for the coach to take him i couldn't get back here in time before they left...
Doesn't look like the kids have done to much..Just going to clean up a bit & i will go walk the pamphlet we got on thursday. . . .

[V8Ian]

Well guys i'm back home to help & karen feels real bad as she only wants me here cause she needs help..
Haven't been home to long they not here gone to footy wasn't happy that karen took him & wouldn't let me organise for the coach to take him i couldn't get back here in time before they left...
Doesn't look like the kids have done to much..Just going to clean up a bit & i will go walk the pamphlet we got on thursday. . . .

Good on you Banjo, you've stepped up to the plate like a man. Do as much as you can for Karen, without getting under her feet or following her like a lost puppy. It's a delicate balancing act, after all she's only a female. :p Give her space and let her rest, especially mentally and emotionally. Be the rock for her that she has been for you. She put no pressure on you for many years.
Say hello to Karen for me please, your both in my thoughts. :)

[banjo]

OK Karen got home ok then we walk up & voted i don't have to but it did...

I took cody down to the cheap shop to get some stuff for a school project come home .Then he says we forgot white paint so off again down the road asked karen if she wanted some lunch as she hasn't eatin aswell so i got some hot chips & a plutopup for my self chips where for Karen...

Just back & the phone rings its mum wanting to know how things where she asked if everything was good back to normal i said no they still the same & i am here to HELP Karen .. The i got well for how long said sharp as if to say what ya coming back . .

She doesn't want the resposability of me & my crapy world life problem..

But in the next breath well your allways welcome here you dont have to ring just turn up, said real dull like crap you can come back if ya have to i spose . . . .

See what i meen Karen is the only person on this earth to love care for me..

I could go back to the oldmans that would be great not more mental **** on me there & the mental sex crap & just the sex crap ..


Not to worried about it all i want to do is make Karen well & happy that is my first concern at the moment . .

[DiscoMick]

Just stay where you are keep on being positive and it will come around as time heals.

[banjo]

OH yeah i gots a phone call today from someone on here that i haven't spoke to on the phone before ..Was good well i thought i went alright didn't get nervous or stutta so thats a bonus ..IT was V8Ian . . . . :D

[banjo]

Karen is asleep on the lounge she doesn't want to goto bed just yet. Cody's on there computer & fred's in the shower . We have done the dishes nothing on the telly to watch so I's jumped on here but everyone must be off having tea or out.......

Was telling the kids once Karen is fully well we mite start to go away once a month somewhere even if its just overnight..

And i am going to start & do the same with Cody just him & i overnight somewhere...

Karen said today to me she is sick of doing the same thing over & over every day for years...

So it has to change . . .

So i will be pushing myself as hard as i can to do this & it doesn't have to be far , theres some nice caravan parks around this big lake of ours & we could stay there & do something or do nothing but relax . . .

Going to start to build up our camping gear again as we sold all of it with the last landy , have some so where on our way with that..

[HBWC]

Karen is asleep on the lounge she doesn't want to goto bed just yet. Cody's on there computer & fred's in the shower . We have done the dishes nothing on the telly to watch so I's jumped on here but everyone must be off having tea or out.......

Was telling the kids once Karen is fully well we mite start to go away once a month somewhere even if its just overnight..

And i am going to start & do the same with Cody just him & i overnight somewhere...

Karen said today to me she is sick of doing the same thing over & over every day for years...

So it has to change . . .

So i will be pushing myself as hard as i can to do this & it doesn't have to be far , theres some nice caravan parks around this big lake of ours & we could stay there & do something or do nothing but relax . . .

Going to start to build up our camping gear again as we sold all of it with the last landy , have some so where on our way with that..
mate your always welcome over my way and i know heaps of out the way spots

[DiscoMick]

That's excellent Banjo. Our kids loved camping, and it was a binding experience to keep us together.

[banjo]

Na not realy but i am staying posotive..

Karen wants more than just a friendship with the other person & she doesn't know how much as she cant have him & she knows this i said its cause she was so low down that he made her feel good & talked to her & flirted with Karen while we where at such a low at home..He only wants to be friends with Karen he is happily married & has a very sick little girl. she is a little better now knowing that i have excepted the end fait..
I will still be trying hard to win her love back as much as i can i would just love to be able to talk with Karen & i keep telling her i love her & care for her..

I went down the road by myself thismorning & got the ham & chicken meat for lunch & the paper for Karen at bilo Then went round to the bread shop where Karen used to work & got breadrolls..

Just got back from Taking Cody to Kotara for a kicking T but we gave up on trying to find a carpark & just came back to the oval & kicked the footy around for awhile now back for lunch.....

Not to sure what to do with Karen , yes i want to fix it up now but i know it will take time..She doesn't want to open her self up to me again & have this happen again which i understand.....

She says she has no feelings for me & that she doesn't love me But Karen is still down in the dumps & her head is all over the place.......

I think use mite need to try & cheer her up i cant.. i am giving her her space & personal space as much as i can or know......


She is worried about me because she says she knows i cant live on my own & couldn't probably look after the kids to well on my own & we both not happy to let my parents help in anyway as they would only be there for the glory of it . . . . .


Going to kick the ball around again with Cody latter but he just shot through....

[MEANZ06]

She says she has no feelings for me & that she doesn't love me .......





so what part of this you dont understand?

[V8Ian]

so what part of this you dont understand?
I think there's more about this thread that you don't understand Meanz, may be it would be usefull you to read from the beginning before chiming in with callous comments. :mad:

[V8Ian]

Hi Jason, I got your SMS a bit earlier but only just got home.

[banjo]

Na not realy but i am staying posotive..

Karen wants more than just a friendship with the other person & she doesn't know how much as she cant have him & she knows this i said its cause she was so low down that he made her feel good & talked to her & flirted with Karen while we where at such a low at home..He only wants to be friends with Karen he is happily married & has a very sick little girl. she is a little better now knowing that i have excepted the end fait.. I can't hold a gun to Karens head & make her stay......Is what i'm trying to say ..
I will still be trying hard to win her love back as much as i can i would just love to be able to talk with Karen & i keep telling her i love her & care for her..

I went down the road by myself thismorning & got the ham & chicken meat for lunch & the paper for Karen at bilo Then went round to the bread shop where Karen used to work & got breadrolls..

Just got back from Taking Cody to Kotara for a kicking T but we gave up on trying to find a carpark & just came back to the oval & kicked the footy around for awhile now back for lunch.....

Not to sure what to do with Karen , yes i want to fix it up now but i know it will take time..She doesn't want to open her self up to me again & have this happen again which i understand.....

She says she has no feelings for me & that she doesn't love me .......

I think use mite need to try & cheer her up i cant.. i am giving her her space & personal space as much as i can or know......


She is worried about me because she says she knows i cant live on my own & couldn't probably look after the kids to well on my own & we both not happy to let my parents help in anyway as they would only be there for the glory of it . . . . .



Going to kick the ball around again with Cody latter but he just shot through....


I hope we can sort it out even Karens Knows she cant have the other guy.. I think its still because she is still very low down & depressed at the moment..

[banjo]

I love Karen so much if i have to go i will if thats what will make Karen happy i will go back to my fathers atleast i can sorta watch the kids from there ....I have no nuts to stand upto my parents never have don't think i ever will.....Its been apart of the abuse that it just never goes away ...Was drumbed into me from birth for about 26 or 7 years you never backchat your parents ever . . . . .

I realy realy hope we can sort all this out & i am going to keep up with what i am doing....I had fun with cody today . . .. . .

[numpty]

Feeling for you Jason. Keep your head up no matter how hard it feels.

"They" say, things eventually get better, even though you cant believe it at the moment.

[banjo]

ITs the thought of not seeing the kids & Karen AGAIN & i have had some fun with Cody lately....I know i can't see the kids if it goes pear shape i can hardly look after myself at the best of times.........And my chest hurts so much it goes numb just to think of it happening . . .


I know i have ****EDUP real big time this time & done this to Karen it is in no way Karens fault for any of this & i am so ashamed of what i have put Karen through over the years & i hate myself so much i will never ever forgive myself for this Karen stands up for me as i don't she cares for me which i don't she has loved me when no one else would & like i said she saved me from my fate ...There realy noway i could even tell use how much Karen has done for me & no one will ever truely know how much....
I would of necked myself if i had stayed where i was ......

For me to ask Karen for another chance is to much she says & i do understand & i have had fun doing stuff for her in the last 6 to 8 weeks & i have had the best feeling to be able to care for Karen in a way she has for me for so many years . . . .

I am so sorry Karen for doing this to you & the kids mainly you baby....
It kills me to see you like this it realy does you should never have to suffer the head stuff that you have helped me with so much.....No one should have to go through the **** that goes on in my head ever....

Unfortunatly its not something that can be cured but something you have to live with if your ****edup enough to have it in the first place ......

OCD ontop of all that crap & you pulled me through so much i just want to make you better for the kids & i would like to live till old with you but i do know what i am asking baby i realy do & i wont put you through it again , its like i said i now have some help in the friends i have made here .& its the first time i have ever ASKED & i know how late it is..


A few years ago you nearly had a nervous breakdown cause of me aswell so yes i do understand fully ......

[banjo]

Feeling for you Jason. Keep your head up no matter how hard it feels.

"They" say, things eventually get better, even though you cant believe it at the moment.


Thanks numpty & thanks for the PM the other day ..........

[banjo]

ITs the thought of not seeing the kids & i have had some fun with Cody lately....I know i can't see the kids if it goes pear shape i can hardly look after myself at the best of times.........And my chest hurts so much it goes numb just to think of it happening . . .


I know i have ****EDUP real big time this time & done this to Karen it is in no way Karens fault for any of this & i am so ashamed of what i have put Karen through over the years & i hate myself so much i will never ever forgive myself for this Karen stands up for me as i don't she cares for me which i don't she has loved me when no one else would & like i said she saved me from my fate ...There realy noway i could even tell use how much Karen has done for me & no one will ever truely know how much....
I would of necked myself if i had stayed where i was ......

For me to ask Karen for another chance is to much she says & i do understand & i have had fun doing stuff for her in the last 6 to 8 weeks & i have had the best feeling to be able to care for Karen in a way she has for me for so many years . . . .

I am so sorry Karen for doing this to you & the kids mainly you baby....
It kills me to see you like this it realy does you should never have to suffer the head stuff that you have helped me with so much.....No one should have to go through the **** that goes on in my head ever....

Unfortunatly its not something that can be cured but something you have to live with if your ****edup enough to have it in the first place ......

OCD ontop of all that crap & you pulled me through so much i just want to make you better for the kids & i would like to live till old with you but i do know what i am asking baby i realy do & i wont put you through it again , its like i said i now have some help in the friends i have made here .& its the first time i have ever ASKED & i know how late it is..



A few years ago you nearly had a nervous breakdown cause of me aswell so yes i do understand fully ......



I am trying to empty or dump my head i can't keep telling Karen all the time ,She knows i love her .. . . .

[Narangga]

Na not realy but i am staying posotive..

.. But Karen is still down in the dumps & her head is all over the place.......




.. I think its still because she is still very low down & depressed at the moment..

That's righ mate - she's not her true self at the moment.

It means that you DO need to stay positive and level headed and hold the fort.

Allow Karen to get her health back and then think about the future.

Keep up the good work :BigThumb:

[d@rk51d3]

Sounds like a case of depression / breakdown. When you're down, you don't give a stuff about anything or anyone. Just ride it out mate. It will get better.

[DiscoMick]

Karen's down, so you can't push her for any sort of commitment now. Just keep being positive and give her time and space. You want her to voluntarily come to you, so don't put too much pressure on her, give her time to heal and come back to you.
No need for you to think about leaving. Stay and be positive for your family. Take the long view.

[Fifth Columnist]

Hey Jason
You're sounding a lot more logical and positive today.
Keep it up :D

[The ho har's]

Jason i think what darkside said is right...DEPRESSION...that is what Karen is going through...beleive me depression is horrible..the worst feelings imaginable and no way out without help...been there, thought i was going to just die, couldn't do anything needed help for everything..just living was horrendous...but with a loving family who helps, you get through, it gets better believe me....

be positive and help in an way


Mrs hh:angel:

[banjo]

We have to go back to the doctors at 4.30 tomorrow afternoon & i will take Karen down i would like to go into the docs with Karen but i don't think she wants me to :( . . . . But i will wait in the waiting room again if i have to . . . .

[banjo]

Anyone heard from or seen Aus around this weekend , He must of had a real busy weekend with work ....

[Fifth Columnist]

Aus popped into the pub briefly.
Think he's working tonight.

[DiscoMick]

You're in notable company Banjo (from Wikipedia):


Notable agoraphobes



Bolesław Prus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boles%C5%82aw_Prus) (1847–1912), Polish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poles) journalist and novelist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Novelist).[25] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-24)
Howard Hughes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Hughes) (1905–1976), American aviator (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aviator), industrialist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Industrialist), film producer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Film_producer) and philanthropist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philanthropist).[26] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-25)
H.L. Gold (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.L._Gold) (1914–1996), science fiction editor; as a result of trauma during his wartime experiences, his agoraphobia became so severe that for more than two decades he was unable to leave his apartment. Towards the end of his life he acquired some control over the condition.[27] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-26)
Woody Allen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_Allen) (1935-), American (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States) actor, director, musician.[28] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-27)
Brian Wilson (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Wilson) (1942-), American singer and songwriter; primary songwriter of the Beach Boys. A former recluse and agoraphobic who underwent bouts of schizophrenia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia).[29] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-28)
Paula Deen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paula_Deen) (1947-), American Chef (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chef).[30] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-29)
Olivia Hussey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olivia_Hussey) (1951-), Anglo-Argentine Actress.[31] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-30)[32] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-31)
Kim Basinger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Basinger) (1953-), American actress.[33] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-32)
Daryl Hannah (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Hannah) (1960-), American actress.[34] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-33)
Peter Robinson (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_%28musician%29) (1962-), British musician known simply as Marilyn.[35] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia#cite_note-34)

[banjo]

I know Garry Mcdonald has it & Rebeca Gibmney & a couple of aussie acters have it to . . . .

[DiscoMick]

I gather it comes from a fear of not being able to escape a bad situation. In your case I guess that was about your childhood mistreatment and being unable to get away from it.
Even though you have actually gotten away from that original situation, the fear continues. Is that right?

[banjo]

I gather it comes from a fear of not being able to escape a bad situation. In your case I guess that was about your childhood mistreatment and being unable to get away from it.
Even though you have actually gotten away from that original situation, the fear continues. Is that right?

Yeah in a nut shell my father was is a drunk & it was worse when he was drinking so when i am around people drinking it doesn't take to long after they have a few i get wiff & it floods back the images in my head are so real its like it was only yesterday for me.........

If i feel trapped like if i was to say call in at your place & started to have a heart flutter & said i gotta go & i couldn't cause you where asking questions or just chatting & i felt i had to get out of there but i wouldn't cause its rude to not let someone finish what they where saying then i would get real bad...

If i'm in a shop & don't know it that well i get nervous i have to know a way out all the time .....

If i do have a panic attack i have to get out of there very fast to calm myself down...

If when i'm driving & get nervous i turn around & head home till i settle myself then turn around & head back to where i was going sometimes this can take hours to only go 30 mins away...

If people turn up here & i start to feel uncomfortable & get realy panicy cause i don't like to say to anyone you have to go in panicy.....

So they stay & then its the after effects that Karen & the kids suffer coming down off a panic attact is so worse. . . .

We know a bloke peter & he likes to chat he is a realy nice bloke but sometimes i just wish her would only stay 10 or 15 mins but its rare with him sometimes it in hours.. I am petrified of running into him when i'm out for that reson he likes a chat but i don't think he fully understands my problem ,Karen has told him . . . .


People that come here that i'm comfortable with like aus is good no pressure on me to do anything so its good & Aus stays for awhile & we chat...But if i went to Aus's i would feel uncomfortable to go inside for a chat its like locking me in a shipping container with noway out as such . . .

[banjo]

Well mother was here this morning ..Her & my step father think Karen mite be using the feels to get out of looking after me & the resposability & the stress of me ,,I had thought this but never worried about it .But i don't think she or he wants the resposability of me but they say you can come up here anytime you need & i bet yeah it would be good for them i would be mowing there big yard , building more bird averies for them & doing all the work around there house that they want done so they can sell & then i would be out on my ass....She was asking me how old Karens mum was when she started to go funny ,Karens mum has olzimers real bad & is now in morriset mental aged care hospital as she has become very violent....

I told her i will be here for as long as it takes Karen to get better & if that is years then thats what it will be ..If Karen couldn't do anything for herself i would for her if she couldn't **** i would **** for her..

I owe Karen so so much & i do know how much..
I realy would like the chance to work it out with Karen as she does meen so much to me & i am keeping up with what i'm doing & will strive to keep doing it..


Mum said to me if use breakup who gets the kids & i told her Karen will as i can hardly look after myself & i wont see them again by my choice for them they don't need to see me panicy...

Then she said bull**** if your at ours in the barn i will invite the kids up for the weekend & you can see them Karen cant stop you seeing them . .

KAREN WOULD NEVER STOP ME SEEING THE KIDS IF I WANTED TO SEE THEM EVER.......KAREN IS THE MOST WONDERFULL WOMAN I KNOW SHE HAS SUCH A BIG HEART THAT IT KILLS ME TO SEE HER LIKE THIS.....

I SAID ITS BY MY CHOICE THEY DON'T NEED TO SEE ME TRYING TO LIVE ALL PANICY . . . . She doesn't listen its all about her & some glory or sympathy with her...

I thought why would you try to do that fred is 16 & you have never asked the kids to come & stay with you..NO its just she wants the glory to be able to say I GOT HIS KIDS TO SEE HIM...


MY parents are so ****edup & ****ed me up its not funny my own mother is a peice of **** there is no other way to say it .......

[bblaze]

have you got a dog mate, ever thought of getting one. May do wonders for you and Karen. They have been known to have helped a lot with al sort of medical things
Hope your day improves as it goes on
cheers
blaze

[Fifth Columnist]

Well mother was here this morning ..Her & my step father think Karen mite be using the feels to get out of looking after me & the resposability & the stress of me ,,I had thought this but never worried about it .But i don't think she or he wants the resposability of me but they say you can come up here anytime you need & i bet yeah it would be good for them i would be mowing there big yard , building more bird averies for them & doing all the work around there house that they want done so they can sell & then i would be out on my ass....She was asking me how old Karens mum was when she started to go funny ,Karens mum has olzimers real bad & is now in morriset mental aged care hospital as she has become very violent....

I told her i will be here for as long as it takes Karen to get better & if that is years then thats what it will be ..If Karen couldn't do anything for herself i would for her if she couldn't **** i would **** for her..

I owe Karen so so much & i do know how much..
I realy would like the chance to work it out with Karen as she does meen so much to me & i am keeping up with what i'm doing & will strive to keep doing it..


Mum said to me if use breakup who gets the kids & i told her Karen will as i can hardly look after myself & i wont see them again by my choice for them they don't need to see me panicy...

Then she said bull**** if your at ours in the barn i will invite the kids up for the weekend & you can see them Karen cant stop you seeing them . .

KAREN WOULD NEVER STOP ME SEEING THE KIDS IF I WANTED TO SEE THEM EVER.......KAREN IS THE MOST WONDERFULL WOMAN I KNOW SHE HAS SUCH A BIG HEART THAT IT KILLS ME TO SEE HER LIKE THIS.....

I SAID ITS BY MY CHOICE THEY DON'T NEED TO SEE ME TRYING TO LIVE ALL PANICY . . . . She doesn't listen its all about her & some glory or sympathy with her...

I thought why would you try to do that fred is 16 & you have never asked the kids to come & stay with you..NO its just she wants the glory to be able to say I GOT HIS KIDS TO SEE HIM...



MY parents are so ****edup & ****ed me up its not funny my own mother is a peice of **** there is no other way to say it .......

Hey! Calm down.
You were doing well.
Don't let others rile you. No matter who they are.

[banjo]

ITS ok guys I am hoping to work it out with Karen & keep up with what i'm doing but if worse comes to worse i wont go back to my fathers or my mothers ...

I was listening to the radio lastnight & a story came up about the old stockton mental hospital . well its now an aged care & disability place so i am going to look into that for myself if the worset does happen .& i can go there & they take my pension & i get 3 meals a day & a roof over my head & the ocational bus trip ..So it could be just the thing .....



PS i do love Karen more than life & i have told her that & i know she detests me & is so repolst that she turns away from me...

I will always keep trying to give her what she needs...& would love the chance to make it right when she is better.....




THANKS Jason.....

[V8Ian]

As number five said Banjo, you know who is trying to help you, therefore you know who to take notice of.
If you were advised to wash your car in brake fluid you'd laugh. Treat non-genuine advice in the same way.
Stay focused, you're doing so well. :)

[Ausfree]

Anyone heard from or seen Aus around this weekend , He must of had a real busy weekend with work ....
Banj, I am here, I have been watching the progress, I thought I would pull back a little bit and give you some space, but as I mentioned before I am as near as the phone, should you need support. Drove past your place the other day, but both cars where out so I didn't stop. Hang in there mate, and keep going!!!!!:)

[banjo]

Ok guy i still doing the folding its taking a little long on my own not that i mind just cramping up must be getting old..Took Karen back to the doc today for the results of the blood test her hormoans are down & abnormal & posably the early onset of menapause, Also has high sugar but that could be because she isn't eating he said .& still serveerly depressed & if not better soon she has to take 2 tablets a day & maybe see someone he said...

That where we are at the moment & i am getting worried as to Karen not eating she is getting so thin.....

karen didn't want me to go in with her again so i waited in the waiting room again .....Watched foxtel..& seen that we aren't missing that much from when we had it..

[DiscoMick]

Ah, the dreaded female hormonal problems resulting in depression - I know it well.
Just make sure she takes her medication, don't annoy her with pushy questions and get on with doing the best you can to be positive for your family.
And ignore your parents - why would you want to go back there, where your problems began? I don't think so.

[Gillie]

Hi Banjo and Tribe , Haven't checked into the thread for a whilst but got up to speed yesterday. Wasn't the story I expected and mate I feel for you. Some great progress but not all beer and skittles.
There are hints that perhaps we know only half the story and I find myself wondering that whilst Aulro is a great help and outlet for you, perhaps there are deeper issues that need a greater type of help. I mean this this in the nicest possible way.

I gotta say a massive thank you for those that regulary read, and give their advice and encouragement on this thread. It is great to see and I am sure that it is mostly :D well received. But it is kind of nice to belong to a group that can offer assistance to those that need it.

I can offer no advice in this situation except Kids are good, and as Bblaze says dogs are good too, but I remember in a post recently that perhaps the dog isn't your best friend right now. What about a cat? I got a few spare here if you need one :D.

Hopefully, things will come around and there will be an awesome post from you next time I check in. Good luck mate.

[banjo]

Karen stayed awake a lot longer yesterday as we had to go back to the docs ..Slept well when we came back for a long time.she ate twice yesterday so i was happy to see that..I have to do the papers today fold them bag them & put the pamphlets in the bags them i will go throw them ...But Karen has a beauty shop appointment for today & she hasn't asked me to cancel it so i will take her down for that its at 1 i think...



Yeah the dog still wont come near me he is very timered to start with so you only have to rase your voice at him & you wont see him for a week.
VERY VERY timered he is he was like this when Karen brought him for me & i find it hard as i give the little bugger everything he was brought for me for company but i spend most of the time just trying to get the bugga to come to me...LOL

[banjo]

Ah, the dreaded female hormonal problems resulting in depression - I know it well.
Just make sure she takes her medication, don't annoy her with pushy questions and get on with doing the best you can to be positive for your family.
And ignore your parents - why would you want to go back there, where your problems began? I don't think so.


No choice realy can't afford to live on my own or, by myself ...More than likely i will put myself in the hospital its easier to do THATS ALL......

[banjo]

Well ok guys i need to dump my head so use are getting it...
Today went & got the papers & started to fold them.Got karen up at about 11.30 as she had an appointment at the beauty shop for her wax thingy..Got her all ready & went to bilo to get some stuff & money out..
Went to the shop for waxy when we left we crossed the road to get some keys cut for the girls while waiting for me to finish a smoke Karen was watching the tattoo shop so i said if you want to go down & see him go for it & say G'day its not just him there they are all Karens friends at the shop...HAVE I DONE THE WRONG THING.

Anyway we went got the keys cut & when we came out i was saying to Karen that she said to me that she never felt anything sexual towards the guy & he wants to be friends with you ..You said you just like his company & like to talk to him & be around him so i said whats wrong with that ,isn't that what you feel for friends ....

Anyway we came home & Karen just sat in the car anyway i said if you want to go & see him go & say g'day to all your friends at the shop & i said that the guy mite just be the person you can talk to as you don't want to tell me about your feeling as it makes you uncomfortable so he mite listen & chat with you as he wants friendship...& this is your time & your time with friends your space your time & i have no problem with you going down there to see him & your friends for a chat & catch up...

Anyway i came in to finish the folding & finaly Karen came in & said i'm going down to the second hand shops so i said call into the shop & say gday to your friends while your down there Plus she is happy there she mite come home a bit happier , no luck there...(mite be differant if he was single )

She told me about the conversation when she came home what they talked about & what not which is fine no problems from me...

She said to him am i a bad person for wanting to end it after 23 years & he said no your not BUT you are depressed & I have been there & its not good so don't do anything RASH he said .Use have lots of history together & the kids.

Since coming home Karen has said she has no feelings for me no love nothing its just numb about it.....

She booked in for her other tattoo in a couple of weeks She showed it to me when i was there with her the other day i'm not fust on it at all doesn't realy go with the 2 chineese girls she already has & she said well we will have to have a look see if we could find something we both like & that goes in there suits the spot..Today it was ah well you don't get a choice in it anymore...

The one she chose is a heart with an eyeball in it some crystals behind it & something under it cant remamber...




HAVE I DONE THE WRONG THING IN SAYING SHE SHOULD GO & TALK TO HIM AS HE WANTS TO BE HER FRIEND & THAT SHE SOULD CALL IN & SAY G'DAY TO ALL OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE HER FRIENDS...ISN'T THAT WHAT USE MENT BY HER TIME HER SPACE ON HER OWN..??????????????ATLEAST I KNOW SHE IS HAPPY THERE . .. . .

[banjo]

OH yeah got another phone call today from mother asking if everything is ok & normal today they are so **** scared of me ending up at there place & they will have the resposability of me..



This is a bit of the call she asked all that & i said no i still have to dress Karen for bed & get her a shower in the morning & get clothes for her..
she said is she that bad i said YES she said oh BUT shes ok to go down the road though YES i said its of a night she is so tired & has no energy what so ever so i dress her for bed & its the same in the mornings its called depression....

I had told her what i said to use in my last post ..


Parthetic this is my own mother.Don't worry, she says yesterday are you sure its just not so she can get rid of you & the resposability of you....

They are starting to **** big time they mite have to look after me ..
NEVER i will be puting myself into the disability part of the aged care at stockton before i go there.........

So now use know why i'm ****ed up so much its been like that all my life..

[banjo]

HAY where has everyone gone ,Must be something good on the telly ...

[V8Ian]

HAY where has everyone gone ,Must be something good on the telly ...
Yeah mate, Top Gear, channel 9. :p

[Narangga]

...HAVE I DONE THE WRONG THING.


HAVE I DONE THE WRONG THING ..??????????????

No way. Karen may be unwell but she still needs to be treated as an adult and with respect. You've done that.

However I think Gillie is on the mark and the help that Karen needs is actually a bit more than the doctor is giving at the moment. When does she have the next appointment with him?

[banjo]

No way. Karen may be unwell but she still needs to be treated as an adult and with respect. You've done that.

However I think Gillie is on the mark and the help that Karen needs is actually a bit more than the doctor is giving at the moment. When does she have the next appointment with him?

No idea he never said to make another one just if not better in a week or so double the dose of tablets....

[DiscoMick]

You don't have to be TOO nice about encouraging her to see this bloke. You want her to stay with you.

BTW the guide I was reading said people who suffer panic attacks are usually very intelligent, so that's good.

[banjo]

You don't have to be TOO nice about encouraging her to see this bloke. You want her to styay with you.

I truely do but i think from what Karen tells me i will be out on my ass as soon as she is better...she wasn't even going to go back there this morning now she's been & visited & booked in for her next one..Wish i could sit & get some more done but doubt that will happen & this bloke was going to come here so i could get some but i doubt that will ever happen now......

[Narangga]

No idea he never said to make another one just if not better in a week or so double the dose of tablets....

:eek: Maybe you need a second opinion. sounds a bit too carefree for me.


I truely do but i think from what Karen tells me i will be out on my ass as soon as she is better...

I think you need to realise Jason that anything that is said or done until she is better can't be banked on.

Read back on what Mrs Ho Har said - that's exactly what is like when the black dog's go ya.

I'd be trying to get another docotrs opinion on Karen's health.

[V8Ian]

Jason, concentrate on one thing at a time. Your priority is to get Karen well, then things might start falling back into place. Can you or Karen ask the doctor for a referal to a specialist for her?

[DiscoMick]

I agree. She needs better health care. Is there a Women's Health Centre there with someone experienced in menopause and depression?

Don't put any pressure on her about the future now - just stop talking about it and stop assuming the worst. It's not possible for her to predict any sort of future when she's depressed, so don't even raise the subject. Just concentrate on getting her well and keep your fears to yourself - she doesn't need to hear them now and raising the subject is not going to achieve anything positive, except to annoy or depress her even more. That includes the whole tatoo bloke issue - all raising that does is to reinforce her sense of depression.

Just focus on supporting her, as much as she'll accept, and getting her the help she needs.

[The ho har's]

Jason..I REALY think Karen needs a seconded opinion here...just saying take another couple of pills a day doesn't cut it....

Karen If you read this PLEASE seek more advice as I don't think you are geting quality advice where you are going..


Mrs hh:angel:

[Ausfree]

Jason, I agree with what has been said by the other posters on this thread. That is, this Doctor seems to be a bit to lax and carefree, Karen has a problem/s and you want answers. I too suggest another opinion, now, without trying to cause further problems between you and Karen, what I did when I was going through my cancer problems a couple of years ago was ALWAYS have somebody else in there with me when I visited a Doctor. The reason being that you are very upset (I was) and you can/do mishear what the Doctor is telling you, and another pair of ears is always a good backup. In my case I always had Mrs Aus with me, and she corrected me on numerous occassions on what the Doctor was actually telling me.
If Karen is uncomfortable with you being there, I would strongly suggest she take a good friend along with her to the appointments. I don't want to stir the pot between you and Karen, if she doesn't want you there, THEN DON'T FORCE IT!!!!
However, it sounds like Karen needs better treatment than what she is getting and I think a good idea is a referal to a Specialist.

Cheers mate and the best of Luck!!!!!!!!!:)

[banjo]

Well i thought if Karen went somewhere that made her happy she mite be a bit happier when she came home , I didn't realy expect thar she would of booked in for another tattoo thought if she see's her friends & has a chat she mite be happier thats all...

No Karen wont let me in to the doctors with her & her best friend my cousin works so she can't go....Only leaves her other friends at the tattoo shop i spose ???..

I am so lost i want to help by showing her i love her & care for her but this is making it worse.....She wont even talk to me now at all . . . .

I tell Karen everything whats in my head & just chat with her when she's home now i don't have that even so very lost...:(.

Cant seem to do anything right here & now the kids are getting realy worried as well ,They know i will be going to the hospital to live they say thats ok we will come see you . But not sure what to do yet...

[banjo]

Feel so terrible here Karen's sitting on the lounge & i up at the table & it feels like i'm here on my own .the **** that goes on in my head is crap when i'm lonely......

[seano87]

If she won't let you come along or anyone else to the doctors, just get her to ask the dr to write her out a treatment plan, and then follow that! Easy peasy and every doctor I've ever met is happy to do them. We get loads of them through work so our dr's get the gist of why they've been sent through us and an outline of the progression they are wanting the patient to take.

And as far as Newcastle goes, there are actually some really good mental health support agencies and services around. Trust me, I know from experience!!

When I first got sent to a psych for stuff, I went bananas, there was no way I was going to see a fruitloop. But... A few years on, I look back and realise it was one of the best things I ever did. And don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you need to consider seeing someone too mate, you've got a lot of stuff going on, and as much as we all care on here, we ain't professionals, and whilst we try to give our sincere support, maybe you need to sit down and let it all out in a controlled environment to someone who has the right strategies to help you make it a bit easier on yourself.

Seano.

[JohnF]

Banj, I am here, I have been watching the progress, I thought I would pull back a little bit and give you some space, but as I mentioned before I am as near as the phone, should you need support. Drove past your place the other day, but both cars where out so I didn't stop. Hang in there mate, and keep going!!!!!:)

same here. I keep watching what is happening but feel that may be its best for me not to say anything as yet. But know I am with you in this Jason, John.

[JohnF]

You don't have to be TOO nice about encouraging her to see this bloke. You want her to stay with you.

BTW the guide I was reading said people who suffer panic attacks are usually very intelligent, so that's good.

And Karen was not dumb when I met you both [and the kids], when picking up the chainsaw.

Oh! and dumb people are less likely to have panic attacks because they are too dumb to care about such things.

[JohnF]

:eek: Maybe you need a second opinion. sounds a bit too carefree for me.

I'd be trying to get another docotrs opinion on Karen's health.

I think I posted ages ago on another thread [and may be on this one] telling people never ever to be afraid to get a second Doctor's opinion. Doctors [as in Surgeons/Diagnosing physical diseases, etc.,] too often bury their mistakes. Often an Autopsy is refered to as the final Diagnosis--the first correct diagnosis. I was a Pathology Technician and know about this. So please never be afraid to ask someone else's medical opinion, and never be afraid to get any non-surgical testing done.

[JohnF]

Jason..I REALY think Karen needs a seconded opinion here...just saying take another couple of pills a day doesn't cut it....

Karen If you read this PLEASE seek more advice as I don't think you are geting quality advice where you are going..

Mrs hh:angel:

Karen Mrs HH is correct. Many doctors are not quality doctors, and do not give correct advice. Joan [not the name people know her by], someone close to me suffered problems for many years, going to many different doctors with her problems, until she went to another doctor named Joe, who regognised all the symtoms that showed that her Thyroid was not functioning. And so Dr. Joe put her on Thytroid tablets that helped Joan with many of her symptoms. Dr. Joe had a mother who suffered the very same symptoms as Joans for many years until she was finally correctly diagnosed as having a Thyroid problem, which is the only reason that Dr. Joe actually noticed the symptoms shown by Joan as being due to lack of Thyroid hormones, and did the tests that showed that this was the problem.

So get another opinion Karen-- and your problems are probably not Thyroid, I am not suggesting that. Just suggesting that you do get other opinions.

[banjo]

Well nothing new here Karen is asleep again on the lounge ..

She now wont speek to me at all just tells me to go away or get lost big time & very stern . . . :( . . .

I think she is booked in for her other tattoo in a couple of weeks . . :( . . He has had more private time with Karen over the last 10 weeks than what i have maybe 10 mins if i'm lucky & now he gets another couple of hours . . .. . . .

I don't seem to want to get on as much now its no fun without Karen & i miss her heaps such a bubbly outgoing person . . . .. . . .

[banjo]

I emailed the hospital today to get them to send me out all about it & any forms they could . .. .. . .

[banjo]

Even more keen to get a camper now that i am going out again , just waiting for that bad day ....It will come i spose ah well .....


A swag would be good nice & easy to set up easy to pack up aswell wish i had never sold my last one it was all nice & worn in . . . . .

[V8Ian]

Even more keen to get a camper now that i am going out again , just waiting for that bad day ....It will come i spose ah well .....


A swag would be good nice & easy to set up easy to pack up aswell wish i had never sold my last one it was all nice & worn in . . . . .
That's a rather negative attitude Jason, thinking like that will make it happen. Put it out of your mind and deal with it if it happens.

[banjo]

That's a rather negative attitude Jason, thinking like that will make it happen. Put it out of your mind and deal with it if it happens.


Had a badish day last week & again this morning felt real crap today but i pushed through it had to , had to deliver the papers today.. got that done then came home got Karen up & dressed watched a movie then walked up the shop & got us both some lunch . . . .

[banjo]

Karen was awake for a good few hours today ...Very quiet though its so hard not being able to talk to her in just general conversation . .

[V8Ian]

You're doing well mate, displaying maturity, compassion and determination. Maybe that's why you've got half of Australia (and a few Poms), supporting and backing you. Get Karen well, and you might just be thrilled with the outcome.

[Narangga]

Had a badish day last week & again this morning felt real crap today but i pushed through it had to ..

Welcome to our world mate. ;)

And as Ian says - you're doing well. Karen not talking lots to you is your new challenge. I for one think you are up to that challenge. Love her to bits - even is she doesn't want to talk much.

[banjo]

Welcome to our world mate. ;)

And as Ian says - you're doing well. Karen not talking lots to you is your new challenge. I for one think you are up to that challenge. Love her to bits - even is she doesn't want to talk much.

We have just been talking & i know what i am asking of Karen to give me another chance..Like she said she doesn't want to open her self to this anymore i Have hurt her to much she does not love me & she does not feel for me at all ......Even when she is better she doubts she will want to or be able to open herself to me . . . . . So i guess it is over & once Karen is better i will be going to the hospital to live so i doubt i will be keeping my car or puter or phone couldn't afford them anyway . . .
But Karen does look a lot better to look at her now .. . .. .

So i guess i will be saying goodbye to most of you if not all of use soon .
Its parthetic to know i cant live on my own or for myself...

I owe Karen so much ,Yes she did save me from a cuicide fate & Karen has made me who i am today she has pulled me through some of the worste crap anyone could go through & i THANK her so much for that ..
I DO KNOW I WOULDN'T LET HER DOWN AGAIN CAUSE EVEN A BAD DAY WILL FEEL LIKE I AM LETTING HER DOWN...& YES I DO KNOW WHAT I HAVE LOST ..


If i don't meet the hospitals reqierments i will have to go back to mums ..

[Narangga]

Nothing is ever definite until it happens.

Wait until Karen is back to her normal self and then see how she feels toward you.

I am not saying that she does not know her own mind but from what you have said about how she is now then she is not 100% and so it will take her a while to get back to her normal self.

I for one hope and pray she does for all of your sakes.

[banjo]

Hey what you been upto today aus we never seen you ...

[banjo]

Hey what you been upto today aus we never seen you ...


Hey don't worry Aus i been thinking it was thursday all day . . . .

[Ausfree]

Going to the fang doctor (dentist) at Cardiff this morning for him to have a look at my snappers. A filling fell out last week and it has to be replaced. Appointment at 9.30 and Mrs Aus will leave me there as she has to take her father to the Doctors at Glendale. Will walk home (need the exercise) after a new filling in the fangs!!!:)

[banjo]

Going to the fang doctor (dentist) at Cardiff this morning for him to have a look at my snappers. A filling fell out last week and it has to be replaced. Appointment at 9.30 and Mrs Aus will leave me there as she has to take her father to the Doctors at Glendale. Will walk home (need the exercise) after a new filling in the fangs!!!:)


Your keen

[banjo]

Well i had a bit of a doosy lastnight . I think it realy hit me that Karen wants me gone as soon as she is better & just the stress of it all , My blood presure must of changed & my heart was beeting so so fast i passed out the next thing i know the kids where dragging me up off the floor...

Got out the shower & the same thing happend & i hit the tiles , came to then went & got Karen ready for bed & tucked into bed..

[bblaze]

might be time you sort some professional help to mate. Have you ever tried meditation may help you find a happier place for a while to help sort some issues. Like I said earlier my wife had stress for a couple of years and it was very hard on our marriage but come out the other side better than it had been for a long time
cheers
blaze
ps
hope there is a small step foward today in way or another

[Ausfree]

Guess who gave me a lift home from the Dentist at Cardiff today....................................... Thats right it was...............................



























BANJO...he drove me to my place and when we got here I took some piccies to prove that he did it!!!

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/290.jpg

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/291.jpg

[The ho har's]

Well done Banjo

:arms::arms::arms:

Mrs hh:angel:

[V8Ian]

Good un mate, you've done us proud. :banana::banana::banana::banana::banana::banana::b anana::banana:

[HBWC]

onya jason thats a huge step wont be long and youll be off on long touring trips

[JohnF]

Guess who gave me a lift home from the Dentist at Cardiff today....................................... Thats right it was...............................



BANJO...he drove me to my place and when we got here I took some piccies to prove that he did it!!!

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/290.jpg

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/291.jpg

Congratulations banjo, for getting out more.

[banjo]

Yeah it was good i didn't tell Aus i would pick him up just new i was going to after i read his post..Took him home even stayed for a chat & a look around out the back ..Wasn't long but was good & i didn't get nervous just a bit dry in the mouth & throat but i'm used to that now....

Picked up the pamphlets on the way home & started to fold them Karen got home about 1 i think & was very tired & hadn't done any of the groceries yet as she was getting some cloths for her self after i pushed a little as she has lost so much weight nothing fitted her...


So i said i would do it but she doesn't trust me to do that on my own as i buy to much so she came & i still brought stuff that she wouldn't.. Went all the big shops down the road so i parked in the middle & walked to all of them Bilo, Woollies & Aldi......

[banjo]

well Karen is now asleep on the lounge so i will get her up after i have done tea so she can have something to eat.....








































YEAH AUS GOT TO RIDE IN A REAL LANDY TODAY ....CAN'T HEAR A THING WHILE DRIVING..

[Ausfree]

Ahem, Hey Banj at least my LandRover has a genuine Rover motor in it!!!!!:wasntme:

[Ausfree]

Hey Banjo, the next challenge is to drive on Stockton Beach!!!!:):) I'm sure Fluids will be there too to assist and back you up!!!:D

[Fluids]

Hey Banjo, the next challenge is to drive on Stockton Beach!!!!:):) I'm sure Fluids will be there too to assist and back you up!!!:D


The weather's looking better .... ;)

... and SOMEONE needs to play recovery vehicle :p

I'm off to the 4WD show at Eastern Creek on Sunday.

I'll be leaving the mastercard at home I think. :eek:

Kev..

[Ausfree]

The weather's looking better .... ;)

... and SOMEONE needs to play recovery vehicle :p

I'm off to the 4WD show at Eastern Creek on Sunday.

I'll be leaving the mastercard at home I think. :eek:

Kev..
Love to go , Kev, but unfortunately the budget and work commitments does not allow it, will meet you at the Castle Hill late next month though!!:)

[MEANZ06]

pics of Karen? :D

and yes, ive read the entire thread now... :p

[Ausfree]

Much appreciate your interest, but if you have read the entire thread you will see pictures of Karen early on!!!!:o

[LandyAndy]

Nice work Banjo,would do you alot of good at the moment to get out a bit.
Andrew

[Narangga]

Guess who gave me a lift home from the Dentist at Cardiff today....................................... Thats right it was...............................



























BANJO...he drove me to my place and when we got here I took some piccies to prove that he did it!!!

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/290.jpg

https://www.aulro.com/afvb/images/imported/2010/08/291.jpg

What a cool dude :p

Keep up the good work mate - think positive in all situations. ;)

[banjo]

Yeah cause i didn't say anything about giving Aus a lift home i didn't think of it & it was all good...:D

[banjo]

Yeah cause i didn't say anything about giving Aus a lift home i didn't think of it & it was all good...:D
Hey aus i should of taken you to pickup the limo that way Mrs Aus wouldn't of had to do latter..

[V8Ian]

Hey Banjo, how do you feel mate? Pretty stoked, you should be. :twobeers::BigThumb:

[Ausfree]

Hey aus i should of taken you to pickup the limo that way Mrs Aus wouldn't of had to do latter..
Bit early in the day, Banj, the boss would not have set the work for tomorrow yet!!!!:)

[banjo]

Hey Banjo, how do you feel mate? Pretty stoked, you should be. :twobeers::BigThumb:



Yeah pretty good actualy, done something on my own bat..

[banjo]

Bit early in the day, Banj, the boss would not have set the work for tomorrow yet!!!!:)

Na just pickup the car & get him to email the job card through..;)

[DiscoMick]

Well done Banjo.:cool:

[Grockle]

aye up Jas,nice pic's and great looking truck

[banjo]

aye up Jas,nice pic's and great looking truck

Yep thats the beast . . .;)

[banjo]

I have to ring the hospital today as i don't think i fit there cryteria .
I am also going to find out about the James Fletcher today it is a mental hospital & from memery if i admit myself i can let my self out but if Anyone else admits me i can't leave till they agree or sign me out...
I can not do this to Karen anymore its killing me to see her like this no one should have to go through the same crap i go through especialy Karen after looking after me for so long . . . .
I miss seeing Karen smile her infectous laugh & her talking at a 100 mile an hour & getting louder as she goes....:(:(:(


The kids are very scared now ..I have organised for Cody to get a lift to his footy do on saturday so Karen doesn't have to worry about it & wont worry if i was to take him..

All i want to do is make her HAPPY & if that meens i have to go & not be around them then thats what i have to do.....

[banjo]

Just waiting for the washing to finish then i'm off to deliver some more pamphlets ..Karen was surposed to clean the hpouse she does but i rang & said she wouldn't able to make it so she can go any time later next week..

[HBWC]

I have to ring the hospital today as i don't think i fit there cryteria .
I am also going to find out about the James Fletcher today it is a mental hospital & from memery if i admit myself i can let my self out but if Anyone else admits me i can't leave till they agree or sign me out...
I can not do this to Karen anymore its killing me to see her like this no one should have to go through the same crap i go through especialy Karen after looking after me for so long . . . .
I miss seeing Karen smile her infectous laugh & her talking at a 100 mile an hour & getting louder as she goes....:(:(:(


The kids are very scared now ..I have organised for Cody to get a lift to his footy do on saturday so Karen doesn't have to worry about it & wont worry if i was to take him..

All i want to do is make her HAPPY & if that meens i have to go & not be around them then thats what i have to do.....

mate wake up to yourself your improving yourself in leaps and bounds
look a bet a month ago you couldn't of gone do the pamphlets by your self
or go pick up aus from the dentist
your makeing forward momentum keap going
it aint going to fix it's self tomorrow or even next week or year
but you will get their 1 step at a time forget the negatives in life and live for the positives

just keep moving forward even if it's only in 1st low and dont worry where hear to throw a winch line if you get stuck and down

[Ausfree]

Hey Banj, how has today been?????;)

[banjo]

Hey Banj, how has today been?????;)


Its been crap ..Done the pamphlets on my own . . . Came home & Karen was up cause some clown was knocking on the door hard.. got her showered sat around for a while then went down the video shop & got a couple of DVDs to watch both crap . . .Date night & Open house . . .

Then i done tea Karen even has some tonight which was good kids have just finished the dishes . . Now doing nothing . . . .

[banjo]

I realy need to get some fender doors for my car it would make things easier . Ones with the wind down windows . . .

[banjo]

I tell ya what, its realy weird not having Karen to talk to i usualy tell her everything & anything . . .

[Narangga]

Its been crap ..Done the pamphlets on my own . . . Came home & Karen was up cause some clown was knocking on the door hard.. got her showered sat around for a while then went down the video shop & got a couple of DVDs to watch both crap . . .Date night & Open house . . .

Then i done tea Karen even has some tonight which was good kids have just finished the dishes . . Now doing nothing . . . .

Banjo I am sorry if I am wrong, but at the moment I think it is Karen who needs the hospital not you.

Just my thoughts.

[banjo]

Banjo I am sorry if I am wrong, but at the moment I think it is Karen who needs the hospital not you.

Just my thoughts.

Na she showered herself i just had to get her moving.. & i only dress her for bed so she doesn't completely wake up . . . .

[Narangga]

Even so I still think what I said before.

[banjo]

hey dale i just mentioned that to Karen nicely & um next time you can tell her cause if i bring that up again i'm going to need a hospital for my injeries ...:angel:

[Narangga]

hey dale i just mentioned that to Karen nicely & um next time you can tell her cause if i bring that up again i'm going to need a hospital for my injeries ...:angel:

:Rolling: :Rolling: :Rolling:

Sorry - I should have added "But don't say that to Karen" :p

[V8Ian]

I realy need to get some fender doors for my car it would make things easier . Ones with the wind down windows . . .
Maaaaate, PGH make something to fix that cheaper. :p

[Sleepy]

Hello again, hope your ok today jas . I finally got a better phone so will be able to pop in more regularly. I haven't had a pc for 4 months now And I kinda like it.....although I miss talkin to you guys....especially you . I know there is a lot of crAp in your life jas, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it for you. (although I'd look a bit scary in a fairy costume!) alas this probably won't happen - I guess a good thing as pink is not my colour.
Keep talkin here mate... We Are Here to listen !
Your mate Paul
P.s. Take the door tops off when the weather gets a bit better. Beats defender doors any day

[V8Ian]

Sleepy? Sleepy? Sleepy who? ;) How are you Paul? Good to see you back mate. :)

[Sleepy]

Sleepy? Sleepy? Sleepy who? ;) How are you Paul? Good to see you back mate. :)

Good thanks Ian , workin 50+ hour weeks lately so pretty much working and living up to my name :p

[banjo]

Good thanks Ian , workin 50+ hour weeks lately so pretty much working and living up to my name :p

You gotta slow down family time & landy time aswell . . . .

Hows Dinga & the girls Paul...

[Sleepy]

Family all good thx jas. Yes I plan to slow down. All the work will be rewarded by my transfer... I hope! Reduce my traveling time from 2 hours a day to 10 mins :) hopefully by the new year I can walk to work - 2 km!!!

[banjo]

Well i'm pretty sure its over . I haven't been pushing Karen but she feels i am still . . . I will love Karen till my last breath & i will never giveup trying & i am staying posetive ....& i am realy enjoying looking after her & she hates that so much..She does hate me & thinks she is just using my because she needs help but i have never thought that nor will I . . .

Karen says she can not open herself to trust me as i have hurt her to many time before ..& does not belive i will be ok with her going to the gym & thinks i will still be posesive & jelouse . . .

I am a little jelouse about her getting another tattoo as she had or has feelings for the tattooist so there is some jelousy there I would rather her get the dermals she wants instead... I do not have a problem with her calling in at the tattoo shop to say G'day to them all & for a chat .But for now i would prefer her not to get a tattoo only because of her feelings at the moment plus he would be getting to spend even more time with her personal time ,Latter when this blows over fine no probs........
IS THIS SO WRONG OF ME ??????????

I would like Karen to introduce me to her friends at the tattoo shop eventualy so they know who her husband is & mite say G'day to me as well . . .

I actualy like it when Karen goes to the gym she comes home & tells me about it what she did & what machines she use & what they do for her its fun to see Karen excited ...

& i have enjoyed being seen out with Karen even if no one talks to me its just nice to be with her . .. & i'm sure she will introduce me to people soon enough . . .

On another note Karen is looking a bit better & is staying awake for longer each day which is a good sign .. . . .

But i doubt she will trust me again or anything again . . . . . :(:(

[banjo]

I keep trying to convince Karen it wont happen again because i now have some friends some older & married who have shown me where i went wrong in being posesive & jelouse where as before i had only done what i had grown up with i spose..Now its been explained to me in terms i can understand..So i know it will be differant now..
Now Karen can't stop worrying about me while i'm at home alone because she has done it for so long ..I would get so bored & lony & by the time Karen came home i was in a cranky mood but now i just jump on here & chat when i need to & i dont need Karen to worry about me cause if i do get bored now i can actualy do something about it even if its just going for a short drive or getting smokes OR i could even just ring one of use for a chat about anything, I just dont ring use to much as i dont want to ring while use are at work or anything like that cause i would hate to cause trouble in any way to your work ? . . . .

Gillie i will be giving you a ring soon even just to say G'day....

Hey Ian are you back at work now after your hospital stay ?

I realy hope Karen & i can work it out but i dont want to push or even for Karen to feel pushed or pressured....

[banjo]

Have i mentioned how much i miss Karen...:(:(:(

[banjo]

Oh & Karen hates the idea of me doing everything as she has done it for so long can't handle it she says..

Also she feels as if she has been a single mum for quiet some time now as she has had to do everything on her own so thats another reason she can't trust me again this time...
























Man i'm starting to feel all wooly as Karen usualy shaves my head with the number 3 foot with the clipers Well its now about 15 to 20 mm long so its weird feeling....

[V8Ian]

Hi there Banjo, no mate not back to full time work yet. :(
Mate you can't rebuild trust in five minutes, and pressuring Karen (intentionally or otherwise) will not aid your cause. My feeling is that the best things for you to do at this point in time are;

Stop telling Karen how much you love/miss/need her, you're putting the guilts on her. "Goodnight, I love you x." is OK.
Do everything you can for Karen, housework, papers/pamphlets, running the kids to and from school and other venues, keep the yard tidy and give Karen some space and privacy.
Go and visit Jim, make the effort to meet Kev, run the household errands and drive somewhere new each week, either alone or with Karen and/or the kids.
This will demonstrate to Karen that you are improving, coping and worthy of her trust. Karen does not hate you, regardless of what she says, if she did she wouldn't be concerned about using you or any aspect of your life such as where you would stay, if you have internet access or how you were coping.
Just get Karen better, this will be a good start to building trust.

[Narangga]

Man i'm starting to feel all wooly as Karen usualy shaves my head with the number 3 foot with the clipers Well its now about 15 to 20 mm long so its weird feeling....

:rulez:

[Narangga]

Hi there Banjo, no mate not back to full time work yet. :(
Mate you can't rebuild trust in five minutes, and pressuring Karen (intentionally or otherwise) will not aid your cause. My feeling is that the best things for you to do at this point in time are;

Stop telling Karen how much you love/miss/need her, you're putting the guilts on her. "Goodnight, I love you x." is OK.
Do everything you can for Karen, housework, papers/pamphlets, running the kids to and from school and other venues, keep the yard tidy and give Karen some space and privacy.
Go and visit Jim, make the effort to meet Kev, run the household errands and drive somewhere new each week, either alone or with Karen and/or the kids.
This will demonstrate to Karen that you are improving, coping and worthy of her trust. Karen does not hate you, regardless of what she says, if she did she wouldn't be concerned about using you or any aspect of your life such as where you would stay, if you have internet access or how you were coping.
Just get Karen better, this will be a good start to building trust.


I'd agree except:

[2]Do everything you can for Karen that she asks / wants you to do, housework, papers/pamphlets, running the kids to and from school and other venues, keep the yard tidy and give Karen some space and privacy.

[V8Ian]

Tanks Stuuu, I meant to add that rider.

[Narangga]

Don't want to give our mate the wrong idea ;)